Second Chances
by missa1203
Summary: Sookie and Eric break-up and she leaves town unknowly taking a part of him with her.  Years later a coincedential meeting reveals Sookie's secret. How will Eric react and can they have a second chance at happiness? AH/AU
1. Chapter 1

**I own nothing but Ryan, everyone else belongs to . I am just puting them in a human world. My first attempt at writing fanfiction, be honest and let me know if I should continue.**

**SPOV**

"How does it look Amelia?"

"Sookie you look hot, total MILF"

"AMELIA" I can't help but blush as my ego is fed.

Looking in the mirror outside the dressing room of the boutique in downtown Shreveport, am pleased with what I see. My 5'6 , hour glass frame is nicely accentuated by the ice blue cocktail dress. The color goes nicely with my blue eyes and long blonde hair. Yes, I have finally gotten my pre pregnancy figure back with the added bonus of slightly larger boobs. Tara, my childhood friend had said I was one those pregnant woman everyone hates, because the only changes were my belly and boobs. The pregnancy was typical and easy unlike the grueling labor which end result was a 9 lb 23'in Ryan Eric Stackhouse. When I first laid eyes on my little man I felt a love and pride that I never knew I was capable of. But with that love came sadness that my son would not know his father. Being in the hospital and watching all the families come and go, while I was alone made my heart ache. With Ryan's father not in the picture I was going to be a single mom. The one good thing about being alone in the hospital is I got to be friend Amelia who was my nurse then and now is my best friend. With that thought I glance over at Amelia who has Ryan on bouncing on her lap. Ryan is the spiting image of his father, especially the deep sapphire blue eyes and same wheat blond hair. He even has some of his mannerism like that damn smirk when he is being mischievous. I smile looking at my son when my stomach drops when I hear my name being called.

"Sookie….Is that you?"

"Shit" I mumble but Amelia hears and gives me a questioning look. It's been 3 ½ years since I've heard that voice.

"Oh my god it is you, how are you, still living in Bon Temps?"

"Hi…. Pam , I'm well and only on the weekends you?"

"Good, We have relocated the Shreveport and I'm shopping for opening night of the club we're opening"

I knew who _we _were but I didn't want to talk about him. "Well that's ni…"

I was interrupted by Ryan pulling on the dress "Mommy carry me"

Pam's mouth dropped open and those sapphire eyes that where identical to Ryan's showed the realization, before she blanked her expression.

"And who is this ?"

_SHIT…. she knows I know she knows how could she not I've seen his baby pictures and well let's just say they might as well be pictures of Ryan._

"Pam this is my son Ryan"

"Can I hold him ?"

"uh sure, here let me go change, Oh by the way this my friend Amelia"

I hurry back the dressing room to change and I hear the dreaded question.

"So Amelia how old is he?"

_SHIT, SHIT ,SHIT, SHIT_

"He'll be 3 next month"

_Well that's her confirmation right there_

"Hmm, well I must go it was nice to meet you."

I exit the dressing room and Pam is gone and I know my life is about to change.

"Who was that?"

"Pam Northman, Eric's sister…and Ryan's aunt"

"OH MY GOD she's going to tell him right?"

I had told Amelia all bout me and Eric and why he had no knowledge of Ryan.

"Oh yeah, …..let's go home, I don't feel like shopping anymore."

As Amelia drives us home I think back to the last time I saw Eric.

_It was a week after I had graduated from LSU . Eric was in the shower while I was getting dress for us to go out dancing with Pam. His phone started ringing and since we were running late I figured it was her looking for us so I answered it. I was not prepared for what I heard._

"_Hey Sexy I've missed you" said a purring unfamiliar voice . I didn't say anything I just held the phone I was about to tell her she had the wrong number when she started to talk again._

"_Eric you there?"_

"_Who is this"_

"_Who are you?"_

"_Eric's girlfriend, and you?"_

_SILENCE_

"_I'm sorry" and she hung up. I closed the phone and tears quietly started to fall. He was cheating on me how could he. I had my back to the bathroom door and was so lost in my thoughts I didn't here the door open. Eric came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist to pull me to and started kissing my neck. I pulled away a faced him _

"_Sookie what's Wrong"_

_I push him away "what's wrong, what's wrong " I throw the phone at him "who is she?"_

"_What?"_

"_Don't play stupid Eric. she just called how long?" _

"_I haven't.. look it's not what you think."_

"_REALLY NOT WHAT I THINK, huh SEXY I've missed you that's what SHE said"_

"_It's just talking I haven't sleep with anyone else….but I have been meaning to talk to you, I think we need some time apart. This ,he gestures between us, is moving to fast . I want to be carefree with no responsibilities for awhile. I Love you I just need some me time"_

"_ARE YOU SERIOUS?"_

_He said nothing he just looked at the floor. After what seemed an eternity he finally spoke "We can still hangout and…." he trailed off as he ran his finger along my lips. _

_I was seething "and what? FUCK ? You honestly think I'll still continue to fuck you? Well you know what thank you for letting me know exactly what I mean to you. GO FUCK YOURSELF I NEVER want to see you again." and with that I stormed out of Eric Northman's life. _

_He continued to call me and stop by my apartment but I didn't answer the door or phone. Instead I packed up and moved back to Bon Temps. A week later I went to the doctor for a check up. He said he hadn't sleep with anyone else and strangely I believed him ,but I could be wrong and I wasn't taking any chances. Everything came back clear excepted for the pregnancy test, I was 2 months pregnant . I thought about calling him but I remembered what he said. He didn't want any responsibilities, he wanted me time. So my decision was made I was on my own._

I was pulled out of my thoughts with my name being called repeatedly.

"Sookie are you ok? Do you think he'll contact you?

"Amelia, I really don't know what he'll do and that is what has me anxious."


	2. Chapter 2

First thanks for the reviews and encouragement. This Chapter is a little and I mean little background on Eric and Sookie's college relationship according to Sookie. While writing the club scene I was listening to "3D" by Far East Movement ft. Bruno Mars. Next chapter will be Eric's POV of finding out about Ryan, so hang in there. Also my Sookie is not going to be the virginal naïve character that is often portrayed , I see her more as Eric's equal in everyway Again I own nothing and all characters belong to Charlaine Harris.

**SPOV**

After dropping Amelia off at home and putting Ryan down for a nap I grabbed a glass of wine and settled by the fire. During the work week I stay at my home in Shreveport because it is closer to Brigant Pharmaceuticals where I am VP of Sales and Marketing. On the weekends I like to bring Ryan to the Stackhouse farm house in Bon Temps that is 150 yrs. Old. Coming out here allows me to decompress from the stresses of work and spend quality uninterrupted time with my little man.

As I watch the flames in the fireplace, my thoughts drift to Eric. I wonder how he'll react to Ryan's existence, will he try to get a hold of me? Or will he be grateful I never bothered him. I have changed so much since I last saw him and I wonder has he changed also. I hope he has at least matured, because to this day I can't believe he broke up with me and in the same breath suggested we be fuck buddies. The gall of that ass was unbelievable. The hurt I felt was magnified because I did truly love him and thought we had a future ahead of us, for me he was the one. Sure we fought with fervor but it was because we were so much alike. Pam use to say I was a female version of Eric. Besides the arguments always led to passionate make-up sessions. Eric brought a side of me out that I didn't know I had. That man could talk me into anything. Before him I was passionate but discreet and demure, but with Eric all my inhibitions went out the window. And I am not just talking about sex, with him I could truly be myself and not feel as I was being judged and I thought he felt the same way.

Eric and I were combustible from the first time we laid eyes on each other.

_**5 YEARS AGO**_

Walking to my apartment I envision soaking in a nice hot bath to soothe my sore muscles. Today was the demonstration to obtain my black belt in kickboxing. After a lot of practice and determination I succeeded, but boy my body was feeling it. I had just opened the door to my apartment when the phone started to ring. I dropped my gym bag and ran to answer it.

"Were going out tonight be ready by 9 "

"Well hello to you to Claudine"

"Sorry.. Hello Sookie how are you this fine afternoon?" was Claudine's sarcasm laced reply.

"whatever I am in….. were are we going?"

"It's a new place, just wear something tight and sexy"

That is how I ended up at Club Purgatory with Claudine and Ginger. I was dressed in my black low rise jeans that hugged my every curve, topped off with a crimson red halter top. Accessorized by my black satin fuck me pumps. The club was huge, with three floors all designed differently. The first floor represented Hell and was sparsely furnished with black leather seating . Red lights illuminated the dance floor while Hip Hop blared from the speakers. The second floor was Purgatory and was furnished with charcoal grey leather seating and illuminated by multi colored lights while Pop and Dance music played. Heaven was the top floor and was furnished in snow white leather seating and illuminated in soft with and blue lights while mellow music played in the background. We explored all the floors before settling in the Purgatory floor. I had already had a few Gin & Tonics when Fergie's London Bridge came on. I jumped up because I love this song and I proceed to drag Claudine and Ginger on the dance floor. I may not be able to sing but I am a natural when it comes to dancing. As I started to shake my hips I began to lose my self in the music. Claudine sled behind me and started grinding on me. I responded and started moving with her. I felt someone looking at me and I turned my head towards the bar and there stands the most gorgeous man I have ever seen. His presence seems to dominate the space around him. He is 6"4 with a lean muscular build, a slight hint of his muscles are visible thru his fitted black shirt. The dark denim jeans he is wearing are slung low, where I can just imagine that delicious v of his hips lie. I move my gaze up and see he has shoulder length blond hair that surrounds he's chiseled features. Finally my eyes met the most beautiful sapphire blue eyes that are staring back at me with the same desire I am sure I am showing. I know he notices me checking him out because he gives me the sexiest smirk and turns to speak to some one beside him. I smile and think , _Let the games begin_.

With my eyes still on him my dancing becomes more daring. I zone everyone out and begin to dance just for him. By the time the song is over he has not once looked away from my gyrating body. "3D" by Far East Movement starts and I turn my back to him as if to ignore him and begin to sensually move my hips. _In minute now _I think as Bruno Mars sings the lyrics "I can't leave this club with out you" I feel his hands grip my waist and draw me to him. I can feel his chest against my back so as I continue to move and raise my arms and wrap them around his neck. I turn my head to look up at him and am met with those sapphire blue eyes filled with lust and want. I slowly turn to face him and run my hand down his chiseled chest. My hands end up holding on to his waist as I drop down to a squat and become face level to the impressive bulge he is sporting in his jeans. I look up into his eyes as I slowly rise up and make sure my DD breasts caress every inch of him. I throw my arms around him an continue to grind on him. I have never and I mean never acted like this before, but there is just something about him that makes me stop thinking.

When the song ended He bend down next to my ear and in a voice of pure sex spoke for the first time.

"I'm Eric Northman…,can I have the _pleasure_ of knowing your name"

After that hot dance that voice just made me throb. So in my sex kitten voice I purred "It would be my pleasure to give _it_ to you" His eyes darken as he caught my innuendo.

"Sookie Stackhouse… and Eric, thanks for the dance"

"I should be thanking you, Sookie" he purrs

Hearing Eric say my name sends chills down my spine.

"can I buy you a drink"

"Sure , Gin & Tonic"

After telling Claudine and Ginger were I'm going, we head up to the Heaven level so we can talk. Turns out he and his sister also attend LSU and he actually belongs to the Fraternity Delta Chi. I tell him I am from Bon Temps, a small town outside of Shreveport. He tells me he is originally from Sweden but moved to New Orleans at 12 years old. The entire time we talk he manages to maintain some sort of physical contact.

He asks me to dance as Neyo's "Say it" starts. I agree and boy was that a mistake. As we hold each other and not only dance but listen to the lyrics, we both begin to fill with desire. Eric pulls me closer and I can feel his desire for me and boy was it big . Eric grabs my chin and makes me look at him. He slowly lowers his mouth to mine. It is a slow sensual kiss that makes me burn, because he can kiss. I feel his tongue lick my bottom lip asking for entrance, which I grant. The kiss becomes heated as I moan into his mouth and soon our hands are all over each other. As the song ends we pull apart both breathing heavily.

"Sookie,…..you ready to leave?"

I breathlessly reply "Yeah"

Before he can move I pull my hand from his and step back with a mischievous smile.

"I had a good time, let's do it again" and I walk away to find the girls to go home. I glance over my shoulder and see Eric's mouth hanging open in shock. Slowly he begins to smile and shake his head. Always got to leave them wanting more and besides I'm not that type of girl.

I purposely did not give him my number, we went to the same school so if he really wanted me he could find me. It only took him one day to find my number. This is how I came to find out that once Eric wants something, he stops at nothing to get it. Eric asked me out on date which I agreed to.

After a couple of weeks we agreed to be exclusive. We always laugh and have fun when we are together because we had a lot of the common interests. We also shared the same stubbornness and possessiveness that seemed to always be the source of our arguments when the occurred. As our relationship grew we learn each others quirks and triggers and how to deal with them. Everything was going good or so I Thought.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry for the delay I was sick. Again thanks for all the reviews and support for my first attempt at fan fiction. Once again nothing belongs to me. All creations of Charlaine Harris and Alan Ball. Please enjoy.

**EPOV**

While having my early dinner on the back deck of my new home, my mind races with all the little details that still needed to be done in preparation for tonight's opening night for the club. Our new club Stureplan had been Pam and my dream since our college years. Named after an area of exclusive hot spots in our native Sweden ,we hope it will live up to it's name. After Pam graduated from LSU two years ago we opened a bar in New Orleans to get our feet wet in the nightlife business. It was very successful and allowed us to save up the money to proceed with our goal of opening a club. After some research we found that there was too much night club competition in New Orleans. I remembered from my Shreveport visits there had been a lack of upscale night clubs. We decided this would be a perfect location for our business venture.

On top of the club I still hadn't finished setting up the house. I moved from a condo in New Orleans to a 4bdr. 3ba home, so I had a lot of furniture to buy to fill the rooms. Buying a home was such a big step for me, it actually made me feel as if I was moving forward and taking the next step in my life. New location means new outlook and attitude on life. I finally realized it was time to grow up. My womanizing was have stopped again. It is tiring dealing with the same type of women. I just wish I could have had this attitude sooner and maybe I would still have her.

Sookie Stackhouse was the one for me, my perfect match. To bad I fucked it up and pushed her away. I realized to late that I could never be happy without her. She was my first exclusive relationship, before Sookie I was what she would refer to as a "man whore". I didn't care for the women I sleep with they just simply sated my needs. It was hard to respect these women because they were always throwing themselves at me and never calling me out on my asshole behavior. Sookie was the exception, she demanded respect and would never except less. She was the epitome of the southern belle in public but in private she was a wildcat. For her I changed my ways, I became a one woman man. Everything was fine until Yvetta came into the picture.

I first met her in one of my business classes, where we were partnered up for the last big project before graduation. Yvetta was Sookie's opposite in every way. She was tall, thin, with a pale complexion and a provocative demeanor. Our partnership on the project forced us to spend quite a bit of alone time together. In the beginning I was a real asshole to her, always making her adjust to my schedule which she happily did. Yvetta fed my ego by dealing with my antics just to spend whatever time I decided to bestow upon her. If I had pulled any of the same antics with my Sookie she would have told me to Fuck off. At first our study sessions were all business but it soon became flirtatious. After the project was over Yvetta continued to call me and wait for me after class. We continued our flirtatious banter but never took it any further. Soon I started to talk to her about more mundane thing, I enjoyed talking to her because she hung on my every word. Sookie was easy to talk to, but as I said she was my equal, we had discusses and conversations where as I just talked at Yvetta.

It was during my fraternity's end of the year party that Yvetta made her move. After my fellow frat brothers decided to douse me with melted ice from the beer cooler, I went to my room to change. As I was pulling my jeans on the bedroom door opened and closed. I thought it was Sookie so I didn't move to put my shirt on. I felt her step behind me and begin to plant kisses on my back. But the lips felt wrong and the kisses were too high. When the pale hands wrapped around my waist from behind I knew it was Yvetta. I unwrapped her arms from me a stepped away. As I pulled my shirt on I asked her what the Fuck she was doing. Clearly my innocent flirting was not seen that way by Yvetta. I told her that everything was a mistake and I loved Sookie and would never cheat on her. She asked if I had told Sookie about her. I told her no because there was nothing to tell. Apparently the lack of that information proved I felt guilt and was as she put it emotionally cheating. I told that was not the case and to get out. She asked me was I really ready to settle down because we were to young to tie ourselves to anybody for the rest of our lives. According to her our little _friendship_ provided I wasn't ready and would fuck it up eventually. And that I didn't know if Sookie even wanted me in her future. Then she brought up my dreams for owning a club, would I let my dreams play second fiddle to my relationship. I told my to get the fuck out and that time she left.

The damage was already done. With Sookie everything came so naturally that I honestly didn't worry about the future. So for the first time I tried to picture my future with Sookie, I could see it and I liked what I saw and it scared me. I could see us happy with kids and the home with the white picket fence. The question was if I was ready for that type of life and the responsibility that came with it.

A week later is when all hell broke loose. After Yvetta's call and with Sookie crying accusations, I panicked and let all those doubts and insecurities flood my thoughts. I then said the worst thing I could to her. I suggested she be demoted from girlfriend and partner to fuck buddy. As soon as the words left my mouth I regretted them, but it was to late to take back. When she walked out, it felt as if a piece of me had been torn from me. I was then I knew she was my future and I couldn't bare the thought of life without her. I tried to apologize and explain myself but she was not having it. I even tried to get Pam to help me talk to her but she had cut ties to her as well. I figured I'll let her cool down and try again in a couple of weeks. I went to her apartment only to find it empty. After being inundated with my calls Claudine finally told me she moved back to Bon Temps and wanted nothing to do with me.

I didn't let that stop me, that weekend I drove to Bon Temps with the intentions to beg if I had to. I arrived at 6 am and a strange truck in the driveway. What the hell had she already moved on. As I got closer I saw writing on the truck. I was filled with rage and jealousy as I made out the writing. It said Herveaux Construction, it was that son of a bitch ex of hers Alcide. He was always trying to get her back and I guess he had finally succeeded. He just waited till I fucked up and swept in to comfort her. I had lost her and had no one to blame but myself. I had threw away the best thing that had happened to me. So I had no right to make demands. With a harden heart and the old Eric attitude in place I returned to New Orleans to forget Sookie Stackhouse ever existed.

Now being in Shreveport only and hour drive from her brings back all the memories. The was she would laugh , oh how I miss that sound. Even the flushed look she would get when I had pissed her off and she was preparing to tell me off was so damn sexy. Oh and the moans and the sound of my name falling from her lips as we made love , I miss only second to the feel of her body. Sookie was the best I ever had, no one has ever satisfied me like she had. Thinking it over what I really miss are those quiet moments where we just snuggle. I wonder what she is doing now, and if she ever cross her mind. A day does not go by where I don't think of her. After all these years I still love her.

I am pulled from my thoughts as I realize my blackberry is ringing and see it is Pam calling.

"Have you completed all your errands"

"Actually I haven't even found an outfit yet"

"corrupting the sales women again"

" I wish that was the case…. I just have a lot on my mind"

"Don't worry the opening will be a success"

"It's not that …..I ran into someone today that I haven't seen in a while and it has fucked with my head"

"who was it?"

_Silence_

"Pam you there, who was it?

"…..Sookie"

I didn't know what to say a million emotions and questions coursed thru me and all I could vocalize was a pathetic "Oh really"

"Yeah …and she had someone with her" Those words were like a dagger in my heart.

"So she's married? I bet it's to that fucking Alcide.

"I didn't see a ring of any type so I guess not"

Why was Pam torturing me "Then who was she with?"

"Shit …. I don't know how to do this"

"Pamela your pissing me off, just tell me"

"Your son"

**"MY WHAT?" **I yelled as I jumped out of my seat

"Your son"

"Impossible are you sure, she told you?"

" I'm sure he looks just like you…he has our eyes, and the age is right he'll be Three next month. And we know how loyal Sookie is. No she didn't tell me she actually looked unnerved at the sight of me. She didn't want me to see him"

I started pacing running my hands thru my hair, I had a son I knew nothing about. How could she have kept this from me? What right did she have not to even give me a choice? Was she going to let him grow up thinking I wanted nothing to do with him. That I chose to not be apart of his life. The more I thought about it the angrier I became.

"Eric you still there?"

"That fucking bitch…tell me everything leave nothing out"

Pam recounted the entire encounter and I wanted so bad to jump in my car and see Sookie. Alas I would have to wait till tomorrow. She told Pam she was in Bon Temps on the weekends and I didn't know if that included Fridays.

I cleared my head I couldn't let Pam down I needed to get through opening night. But believe me Sookie will see me tomorrow. She had some explaining to do, but most importantly I had a son to meet.

* * *

Next Chapter the confrontation. You think Eric will calm down by then? Will Sookie let him be apart of Ryan's life and does he deserve to be? Let me know what you think.


	4. Chapter 4

Again thanks for all the reviews and support . In this chapter I'm going to bounce back and forward between Eric and Sookie's POV. Eric is going to seem like an asshole awhile longer but I promise he will redeem himself. Once again nothing belongs to me. All creations of Charlaine Harris . Please enjoy.

**EPOV**

Stureplan's opening night was a success and buzz created was more than Pam and I had wish for. I am grateful last night was opening night, because it keep me from rushing off and doing something I would regret. After closing I talked to Pam about Sookie and she played devil's advocate. I realized I was partially responsible for Sookie's silence. Pam reminded me that I did tell her I wanted no responsibilities and with that statement I sealed my fate. Only if she had allowed me to speak with her and explain what was going on in my mind, this could have been avoided. I acknowledge my role in this cluster fuck, but her stubbornness and pride kept her from at least talking. Maybe if I could have explained myself and gotten her forgiveness we could have started out raising Ryan together. It was just hours after our fight that I had tried to fix things. Now I was going to get a chance to be heard because no matter what we had to be cordial to each other for Ryan's benefit.

As I pass the WELCOME TO BON TEMPS sign I mentally go over all the key questions I need answers to. I am jarred from my thoughts by Pam's ring tone.

"You there yet?"

"Yeah, just 5 minutes away"

"Remember stay calm and listen to her, you remember how stubborn she is."

I let out a sigh " I know Pam, I will try and I do remember"

"ok call me later and give her my number in case she ever needs me, and don't worry about tonight I can handle the club. Good Luck."

As I hang up I reach Hummingbird Lane and proceed up the long driveway. I drive around back and park next to a black ML550 Mercedes SUV. I am so nervous, I have my actions and words planed out but will I be able to stick with it after seeing her. Pam wouldn't tell me how she looked just replied "well you know she had a kid". What the fuck did that mean. I wondered was that Pam's way of telling me she lost her luscious figure. Either way Sookie would always be the most beautiful woman to me, none could ever compare. I exit my corvette and proceed up the back porch steps. Taking a deep breath I loudly knock on the door. I wait anxiously and then I hear the voice that still sends shivers thru me telling me to hold on. The door opens and I am speechless. Sookie is more beautiful than I remember. Her 50s pin-up figure is covered only by a pair of cotton sleep shorts, and a thin spaghetti tee that stop and inch above the shorts exposing her flat stomach. How could this woman have had a child? Unconsciously I licked my lips, as my body seemed to remember all the things she could do with that hot body of hers. My eyes travel up and I met those beautiful sky blue eyes that reflected her apprehension. I am drawn out of my stare as I hear her say my name.

"Eric… I should have known you would be showing up"

**SPOV**

I had just put Ryan down for his afternoon nap and prepared to jump in the shower when I heard a knock on the back door. Being at the back door meant it was someone who knew me well and knew I only used the back door. So as I ran to the door pulling my hair back into a ponytail, yelling that I was coming. Once the door is open I am speechless. Eric stands before me in his trademark dark denim jeans and leather jacket looking positively edible. I notice him checking me out as he licks his lips. Oh… a heat rushes to my core as I remember the sinful sensations that mouth could create. Then I remember what an asshole he is. Enough of that we need talk and I need to see how he is taking this development. My southern manners dictate that I graciously invite him because my Gran would be rolling in her grave if I didn't. Instead, my inner bitch wanted to be in charge and I made a snaky comment Eric eyes narrowed and his jaw tensed. I instantly regretted my comment, it was not starting off on the right foot.

"Why wouldn't I ? I heard you have something to tell me."

"Come in "

As I walked ahead of Eric I felt his eyes following my every movement. As I led him into the living room, I excused myself to change. I quickly pulled on a white sundress and make my way to Ryan's room. Seeing he was ok, I proceeded back to the living room to deal with Eric. I found Eric standing near the fireplace holding a picture of Ryan and my brother Jason that was taken on his 2nd birthday. When he noticed me he reluctantly put it back and sits down on the nearby armchair. I then ease myself onto the couch across from him. We proceed to stare at each other waiting for the other to began. Hey… he is the one who came here he should start talking. I hear Eric take a deep breath.

"I need to hear it from you"

Ok this is a good start he seem to be calm and rational. I can do this I just need to say the words and we can go from there. I look into Eric's eyes and finally tell him the truth.

"Eric… you have son, his name is Ryan " just saying it feels as if a weight has been lifted.

"Where is he"

"Taking a nap, he'll be out for about an hour or two"

"Just as well we need to settle things between us first so we can be at least cordial to each other"

All I could do was nod , I was nervous but he seem to be taking everything in stride.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You weren't ready for a kid"

Eric's eyes narrowed and he raises his voice "Don't give me that you had do idea what I was ready for. You had no right to make that decision for me. I deserved to make that choice." His blue eyes were glowing with rage. Oh yes he was pissed.

But so was I the audacity of him to come to my home and yell at me about his rights. So in a cold voice I replied.

"First of all you _WILL_ lower your voice or you can get the hell out of my house _NOW_."

"Secondly you yourself told me you weren't ready when you broke up with me. You said you didn't what any responsibilities and needed I quote _me time_. And believe me a child is nothing but responsibilities and your life revolves around them….. your wants become secondary"

"If you hadn't been so damn hard headed and talked to me afterwards I could have explained myself and.."

"And what…. you made it clear enough that you didn't want a relationship with me anymore. Then to further insult me you treat me like one of your fucking whores and suggest we become fuck buddies. " At this point all civility and my southern manners are gone.

"Damn it …see you never let me finish… I am trying to apologize. I was wrong and I knew it as soon as you walked out"

"Doesn't matter regardless you still fucking cheated on me"

"I DID NOT and I repeat I DID NOT fucking cheat on you."

"Then what was that phone call and it was not a wrong number she fucking called out your name"

"I know ….I know I fucked up." he then continues to tell me the story behind Yvetta.

"So because I didn't fed your ego enough, and in your mind worship the ground you walk on you found someone who would… Your so fucking pathetic"

"I was stupid, I know it was wrong but at that point in my life I was immature and not thinking. Nothing ever happened between us while we were together."

"Oh but it did later huh? Well I guess I should thank you for that…..Thank you Eric for not fucking anyone else while we were together" my voiced dripped with sarcasm. He at least has the decency to looked ashamed. Then he looked as if he remembered something and opened his mouth to speak. I knew he was about to say something spiteful from the look in his eye. So I interrupted him

"Eric do you realize how many offers I turned down while I was with you? Some where even from your frat brothers who knew we were together. They flattered me but I was committed to you I didn't need their attention all that mattered was that I had yours. But that was not enough for you. No the great Eric Northman needed to be center of everyone's attention. Well I am glad you moved on so quickly after our split, was she worth it?"

"You have some fucking nerve to judge me, you moved on faster "

"I don't know what your talking about?"

EPOV

She is pissing me off. Condeming me for moving on when she was fucking Alcide way before my one drunken night with Yvetta weeks after seeing Alcide's truck here.

"A week after you moved back here Claudine finally told me were you were and to leave you alone. But I couldn't I knew I was in love with you and wanted to apologize. So I drive all the way up here to fucking grovel at your feet. Which you know is not in my character, but was willing to do to get you back. And I am welcomed by the sight of that Son of a bitch Alcide's truck in your driveway at 6 in the morning."

Thinking about them in bed together filled me with jealousy and rage and kept me from thinking clearly causing me to say the most hurtful thing I could think of.

"Did you at least fuck him before you knew you were carrying my child?…..Or did you act like a slut and already know"

I instantly regretted my words. Before I knew it Sookie was in front of me with her hand extended to slap me. I Caught it and stared her as she to pulled away.

"You fucking piece of shit. Don't you dare talk to me like that. Get the hell out of my house NOW"

"And for your info not that you deserve any explanation from me but neither one of us was here. He took me to the hospital in my car because his truck was to high for me to get in and we were there until Saturday afternoon. I was not having sex with him"

My anger deflated with the mention of hospital, as worry consumed me and I softly asked her what happened. Sookie returns to sit on the couch and lays her hands on her lap. She closed her eyes and reopened them as tears slowly began to fall.

"I almost had a miscarriage. Alcide had stopped by on his way to Jacksonville, just to say Hi. While he was visiting I excused myself to the restroom and found I was bleeding. Good thing he was here. He drove me to the hospital and stayed with me. They ran some test and told me it was probably due to stress and that I needed to relax. I won't go into to everything but the end result was Ryan and I were Ok."

It was all my fault. My selfish actions had almost caused the lost of our child. All the anger and hurt I felt were gone with that statement. I needed to make things right. I need to tell her I still love her and want to work things out. I just pray she can forgive me. I get up from the chair and kneel before her and take her hands in mine. I see it as a good sign when she doesn't pull away. I rub my thumb over the back of her hand as my other had tilts her chin up to look me in the eyes. They are wet with her tears as she remembers her, no our potential loss. I wipe the tears away and finally apologize. I have hurt her so much.

"Sookie… I am so sorry for everything I have said in the past and for the horrible things I said today. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness but I hope to have it. I want us to get along at least for Ryan's sake. I want to get to know him"

She stares at me for awhile and I start to fidget and get nervous thinking she will reject my apology and throw my ass out. Instead she smiles

"Your son gives me those same puppy dog eyes and I can't say no to his either"

I burst out laughing and just like that the tension is gone. Just like old times our fights would be epic , but with laughter all would be forgiven. I know all is forgiven but not forgotten. We stared into each other eyes and I could still see the desire for me in her eyes. I am sure she could she mine as well. It was time to tell her how much I still loved her. How I needed her like I need air. And that i would do whatever it takes to get her back.

"Sookie…. I need…."

I am interrupted by footsteps coming down the hall from the bedrooms and a little voice

"Momma where you at"

_

* * *

_

Cliffy! Next chapter Eric and Ryan meet. Will Eric lay his feelings on the line and how will Sookie react. Please keep the reviews coming. Helps me progress the story.


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for all the love! I will try to update more often, just been working a lot of overtime. Again I want to reiterate my Sookie will be different than in other stories. With out her telepath of the books to make her and out cast I think she would have the charm and confidence like Jason. Which in turn makes her similar to Eric. In regards to Ryan's future behavior , I am basing it on my 2 going on 3 yrs. old niece who lives with me (my sister says I'm turning her into a tomboy. I say she's well rounded J). This includes language skills. Once again here is the disclaimer: I own nothing everyone belongs to Charlaine Harris.

EPOV

Sookie quickly pulled her hands from me and stood up. As she walked away wiping her tears away she calls out to Ryan.

"I'm here baby"

From the hallway emerges the child I was looking at earlier and assumed was Ryan. Instead of a 3 year old he looks more like a 4 year old. He is dressed in a pair of Khaki shorts and a black t-shirt. I notice his hair is the identical wheat color mine is, which happens to be cut short. Finally I take in his eyes. Pam was right, they are the same sapphire blue eyes that she and I have. He is the most handsome child I have ever seen. If I had any lingering thoughts they were squashed. I knew he was my child and I instantly feel in love. This little person was created by Sookie and I. I was in awe. He sees me and stops and stares at me. I smile and say Hi and his response is to run to Sookie.

"Momma carry me"

Sookie picks him up and he nuzzles his head into her neck. She in turn kisses the back of his head. He then turns to look at me expectantly before he returns his gaze to Sookie. Sookie looks at me and officially introduces my son to me with radiant smile.

"This little man is Ryan Eric Stackhouse"

I am shocked she actually named him after me. Just when I thought I couldn't feel any worse about my past behavior. I really am an asshole.

"You named him after me?" I mumble, but she hears me.

"Contrary to what you believe, I never intended to hide your identity. Everyone in my life knows who you are. And when he got old enough to understand and asked questions I planned to tell him the truth. Even help him find you if he wanted. "

I was speechless. I truly had believed that her not telling me about Ryan had been out of spite. Now I finally understand that she felt she was doing me a favor by not telling me. This was all my fault. I lost 3 years with my son due to my immaturity. I wanted to ask what _the truth_ she planned to tell him would consist of. But I knew that was not a conversation to have in front of Ryan. Speaking of Ryan he stares at me intently before speaking to Sookie.

"What his name momma?"

"Ryan, this is Eric…. Can you say Eric?"

"Ewic"

"Say Hi to Eric"

"Hi Ewic"

"Momma where my svärd (sword)"

"He speaks Swedish!" I was shocked.

"He and I are learning. His nanny Octavia spent some time in Sweden and is fluent. I felt it was a way for him to be in touch with his heritage, since that's were your from."

"Thank you…..I .." I was actually speechless. I couldn't express how much that gesture meant to me. In her on way she made sure I was already a presence in his life.

"Momma!"

"Oh sorry baby it's in kitchen. I'll go get it"

"it's ok, I go" "Down" Ryan then starts to slide down Sookie's side onto the floor. And started running to the kitchen. He was almost there when Sookie called out his name to get his attention. Ryan stopped to turn and look at her. Sookie told him to get just the sword and not any cookies. His response was to give her a smirk and turn back to the kitchen. He actually smirked and it was my smirk. The one I used when I intended to be mischievous. So if he was like me he would be coming back with a cookie.

"He's coming back with a cookie"

"Is he a handful?

"You have nooo idea. In that aspect he is just like you. Did you see that smirk?"

All I could do is laugh. Sookie started laughing too. I have really missed that laugh. Ryan does indeed come back with a cookie along with his sword and Sookie just rolled her eyes. He starts to swing it around fighting an imaginary monster. Sookie and I just watch him. I can't believe I have a son. I knew before I came but seeing him finally makes it real. Ryan suddenly stops and runs to stand in front of me and tilts is head to the side while looking at me.

"Ewic…You wanna fight?"

"I don't have a sword" I am dispointed. I would like to play with him. He looks around like he's looking for something then finally drops his sword. He then holds up is fists and takes a takes a boxing stance, as much as a kid can.

"We fight like this" he practically commands.

Ah my little warrior, just like his mom. While I am by no means a push over, she is the one with a kickboxing training. I look to Sookie to see what I should do. She smiles and nods.

Ryan begins to punch me and I lightly return the punches. He is laughing and jumping out of my reach from the couch. He soon tells me to get down. I don't understand what he wants until Sookie tells me that means he wants me to sit on the floor. I slid off the couch and sit on the floor. Ryan instantly jumps on my back and wraps is arms around my neck. He keeps yelling "Flip". I guess he wants me to flip him over my head. I reach behind me and grab his waist. I carefully lift him up to bring him over my head while flipping him feet over head. He lands softly with his back to me in front of me. He is laughing and chanting "Again".

We play for what seems like hours like this. Ryan really is a rambunctious child. I am engrossed with our playing and happy that he seems to like me. Sookie has left us alone so she could jump in the shower. She had watched us for awhile and seeing that Ryan was comfortable with me she asked if I would mind. I had told her to go we would be ok. It pleased me that Ryan hadn't even noticed she was gone.

Before I knew it the sun was already setting. I had been here almost all day and it didn't seem like it at all.

I looked at Ryan and he was now wearing a tool belt watching some Handy Manny video. He was repeating every word. Shit did he have this memorized? As I watched him I notice him saying the dialogue before the characters on the show. My boy was smart. I thought it would be awkward to met him and difficult for him to warm up to me. Gladly that was far from the case.

Sookie is in the kitchen preparing to start dinner. I figure I better take off. Even if I would rather stay. I don't want to wear out my welcome. The image before me is like something from a 50's sitcom. Sookie is dressed in yet another sundress. This time sunshine yellow with white daises on it. Her hair is tightly pulled into a high ponytail. She is even wearing an apron. I clear my throat to get her attention.

"I guess I better leave" It came out more of a question than a statement.

"Well dinner will be ready in little while if you would like to stay."

"You don't mind?"

"No and besides Ryan is enthralled by Handy Manny, so we have at least an hour to talk. So sit and talk to me while I cook."

I agreed to stay and sat at the kitchen table while Sookie started to cook spaghetti. We make small talk and catch up on our siblings. Sookie and Pam had always gotten along because they both had the same sense of humor and enjoyed pissing me off. She told me Jason was still the local lothario, but was a great uncle to Ryan. He apparently always comes to Sunday dinner and stays till his bed time. He also picks him up sometimes to have what she said Jason called man time. Hearing that is bittersweet. I am glad Ryan has male bonding but I wish it was me. I told her about the club and Pam's latest dating antics. We laughed as we recall Pam's and Claudine's disastrous attempt of a relationship. That led me to ask about Claudine and if she was still in touch with her. She told me they both work for Claudine's family Pharmaceutical company. After she asked where I lived we discovered we actually lived in the same neighborhood in Shreveport. I notice that she is careful not to ask my relationship status and does not give any hints to hers. No one has called since I've been here so I am guessing she is single.

I realize now is not the time to discuss us. I want to know more about my son. I ask her questions about his likes and dislikes. She smiles at the questions, and seems thrilled that I am interested. Sookie tells me about the time her friend Sam was over at her home and Ryan told him it was time to go home. Because she had told Ryan they would go to Walmart when Sam left. I laugh along with her but I want to ask who this Sam is. I know it's none of my business and I have know right to ask. That might start a fight and I don't want to fight anymore.

"when he does things like that. I see you in him. You were always rude and tactless."

"Hey.. You wound me…my feelings are hurt" I pout for added effect and she laughs so hard she has tears falling.

"Yeah right like Mr. High and Mighty could ever be made to feel bad about himself" she says while wiping the tears away.

At that moment Ryan walks into the kitchen " I hungry"

"It's ready.. Eric will you help him wash his hands?"

"Sure"

"Thanks, ….Ryan go wash you hands with Eric."

"Ok mommy"

With that he runs off to the hall bathroom. I follow and see him pushing a blue wooden step stool covered in stickers to the sink. He even turns the water on himself. I have to help him with the soap but other than that he does everything himself. When we're done he pushes the stool back along the wall. He then grabs my hand and starts to pull me behind him.

"Come on Ewic, we eat papa"

We get to the kitchen and Sookie has all our plates set on the table. She places Ryan in his booster chair. I start to sit back were I was which is at the head of the table, when Ryan yells "NO". I start to panic, he doesn't want me here.

"That's momma's chair. Sit here " he points to the chair beside him. Relief washes over me and I look up to see Sookie smiling. I move the plate that Sookie had fixed me from it's spot across from him to me where I was now sitting. As we all sit and begin to eat, Ryan moves is food with his spoon.

"what this?"

"Spaghetti.. You like spaghetti."

"I wuv spaghetti. Its good."

"Yes it's good now eat."

"ok momma"

We eat and talk more about Ryan's baby years. Sookie then tells me she's throwing him a birthday party in three weeks at her home in Shreveport and I am welcome to come. Of course I tell her I be there. I tell her I would like to pitch in. Now Sookie wouldn't be Sookie if she didn't first deny the help. Finally she agrees to let me buy the cake and rent the bouncy house.

After dinner I keep Ryan occupied while Sookie cleans up and washes dishes. When she comes to sit in the living room she tells me that is the fastest she has ever cleaned up and thanks for distracting Ryan. Ryan then jumps on my lap and exclaims I'm his friend. I tell him yes and he's my friend too. Sookie then puts on Iron Man, because Ryan is obsessed with it. Speaking of Ryan when he sees Iron man for the first time he climbs off my lap and runs down the hall to the bedrooms. He comes back with Iron man pajamas in one hand and the figurine in another. Sookie puts the pajamas on and he crawls back onto my lap to watch the movie.

I can't get over how comfortable he is with me. Early I had asked Sookie was he like that with everyone and she said no. In fact he is distant and only goes with Octavia, Jason, Claudine, and her friend Amelia. She went on to say that she was shocked when he let Pam carry him . It's like he knows instinctually that we are his family. I look at Sookie and Ryan and I realize I am so content being here. I can definitely see living life like this everyday.

When the movie is over Ryan is asleep on my lap. Sookie moves to take him, but I shake my head and ask where his room is. She leads me to the room and I tuck him in and kiss his forehead. She turns on a nightlight and gives him a kiss too. I walk out first and she follows me back to the living room.

"we I better be leaving now… Thank you… for everything. I mean thank you for letting me see him and spend time with him."

She is quiet for a moment and I know she is thinking about what she is about to say. I brace myself for whatever it is.

"Eric… what are your intentions,…what do you want out of this? Because I will not let Ryan get hurt."

"Sookie I want it all. I want to be there not only for the fun and games but for the doctor appointments too. I want be able to teach him things and take him places. I want you to feel comfortable to call me, when he has learned something new or when he's sick. I want to be a parent with you. And know starting now he will always come first to me."

She catches me off guard and hugs me. When she pulls away I see tears in her eyes.

"Don't cry did I say something wrong"

"No you said everything right"

"Sookie I mean every word of it and I want us to put the past behind us. I know you can never forget but I truly hope you can forgive me. I don't want us to hate each other . We need to get along, otherwise it will be Ryan who suffers while being suck in the middle."

"For along time I hated you. For what you did. But I couldn't stay hating you because no matter what you gave me that precious little boy. He is my greatest achievement. So Yes Eric….. I forgive you"

We exchange numbers, addresses and I give her Pam's number as ordered. We make plans to meet Tuesday evening after she gets off of work. Tuesdays are "Little Gym" night, what ever that is. I'll find out in a couple of days.

As I drive way I look back and think of how different my life could be right now if I hadn't been such an immature asshole. I really fucked up. Now I just had to prove to Sookie I'd grown up and am worthy of Ryan and her. I just hope it's not too late.

* * *

Sorry there has been some confusion on some of my phrases that I would like to clear up. No Ryan doesn't know Eric is his dad. Papa means food. I'm of mexican descent and although I don't speak fluent spanish my family uses some spanish phrases in everyday conversation. That is also how we talk to my niece. I got carried away and used actual dialouge that my niece uses. Sorry I'll try not to let that happen again.


	6. Chapter 6

Once again here is the disclaimer: I own nothing everyone belongs to Charlaine Harris. I am using the Google translator so if there is a problem it is Google's fault. I am innocent,...innocent I tell you

**SPOV**

The reunion with Eric started out rough but ended better than I had hoped. Watching him play with Ryan was a wondrous sight. For a moment I could seem my fantasies become reality. I always wanted Ryan to have a father figure. For a while I thought it would be Alcide since at the time Eric wasn't an option.

Alcide had been so supportive thru my pregnancy. So naturally after Ryan was born and things had settled down we started a relationship. We carried on about six months, but their was just something missing. We both knew that the passion we had in our college relationship was no longer there. Our relationship was more of a friendship with the benefit of sex. Realizing the situation wasn't fair to either of us we broke up but remained friends.

Out of habit we still hook up every now and then. It's ironic that I have a friends with benefits relationship with Alcide, when it infuriated me when Eric proposed the same thing. The difference is that I'm not in love with Alcide and I was with Eric. I would not have been able to bare the thought of Eric with other women. To this day Alcide has been the only man I've dated to be around Ryan.

Quinn, whom I briefly dated at the beginning of this year had tried to get me to introduce him to Ryan early on. I think he thought he could get closer to me thru Ryan. Of course I never let it happen and glad I didn't because he turned out to be a big insecure jerk. He needed constant reassurance and was always hovering. Needless to say it did not last long. It is taking him longer to except the break up than we were actually together.

Having recently dealt with Quinn made me realize what kind of man I did and didn't want in my son's life. While watching Eric with him. I liked what I saw. Eric was attentive and I swear I could see the love in his eyes when he looked a Ryan. I was just worried about how long it would last. When he told me his intentions and asked for forgiveness, I knew I was at the metaphoric fork in the road.

I seriously thought about telling him to fuck off and stay out of our lives. What keep me from doing it were my memories of my dad or should I say lack of. What I wouldn't give to have grown up with my parents. Their deaths prevented their presence, where as I would be denying my son his father. I just couldn't be that selfish, Ryan's needs needed to come first. So I decided to forgive Eric, not for him or even me but for my son.

Now here we are waiting for Eric to get here so we can take Ryan to the Little Gym. I had called him Monday to tell him how to dress. Right now Ryan was still in the Parent/child class. This meant we basically just played games and socialized with other kids and parents. I want Eric to be familiar with going and meet some of the parents so he can take Ryan sometimes. If he sincere in be involved this would be a way to prove it. Since Ryan's birthday was coming up I hoped I could already sign him up for the Sport Skill Development class. The boy was a natural athlete. How could he not be it was in his genes. I played to start him in Karate when he turned 4 because he likes to watch me work out and tries to mimic my kickboxing moves.

I finish pulling on my pink yoga pants and black t-shirt as the door bell rings. I rush to the door and open it to find Eric looking just absolutely gorgeous. He was standing before me in navy blue jogging pants, a light blue wife beater top and his wheat colored blond hair was pulled back. I had forgot how muscular his arms were. Every muscle was defined and I just wanted to run my hand over him. Damn.. I might need to call Alcide to take the edge off before I throw Eric down and have my way with him.

" Hi are you ready to go?"

Yeah , why don't you come in and meet Octavia. Since you plan to be around she'll need to get to know you." I close the door and led him to the kitchen were I find Octavia trying to decide what's for dinner. She hears us approaching and looks up with that motherly smile of hers.

"Octavia this is Ryan's father, Eric Northman. He has recently moved to Shreveport and will be coming around."

"Trevligt att träffa dig och tackar för undervisning min son mitt modersmål"

"Hej Sir, det är trevligt att träffa dig. Så din varför Sookie vill Ryan att lära sig svenska. Du vet jag tror att det var en av anledningarna till att hon anställde mig. Och tro att jag tänkte ett europeiskt språk skulle vara meningslöst i söder."

I couldn't catch everything they were saying but apparently it was funny because Eric started laughing.

"Please call me Eric. Yes I suppose Swedish is indeed unexpected in the South"

"Well it will be nice to be around a fluent speaker and perhaps Ryan will catch on quicker."

"Yes I would love to help him and I know my sister will also."

"Well, again it was nice to meet you but I need to get dinner started so it'll be ready by time you all return."

"Sookie I was hoping I could take you and Ryan out to dinner afterwards… if that would be ok?"

"Ok that sounds great.,,,,, Well I guess your on your on Octavia."

I hear running coming from the living room. Ryan runs in holding his sneakers, coming straight to me. He hasn't seen Eric yet as he starts being his demanding little self. I see Eric smiling as Ryan thrusts his sneakers at me.

"Put skor (shoes) on we go bye-bye"

"Say please"

"pwese"

"Ok come on little man let's sit you down" I pick him up and sit him on the kitchen counter. At this moment Ryan sees Eric and starts smiling.

"Look momma my fwend Ewic"

"Yes Eric's going bye-bye with us"

"Ocy, this my fwend Eric he going bye-bye with me"

" I know.. You have fun"

I finish putting his shoes on and help him down.

"Thank you momma"

"Your welcome baby. Come on lets go."

We take my car since it has a car seat. I explain the Little Gym to Eric and give him details on some of the parents there. Ryan interupts asking for the radio to be turned on.

"Bottoms up up in air"

"What does he want Sookie?"

"Bottoms Up by Trey Songz is his favorite song right now. Here can you plug the Ipod in? I'm warning you now we will have to listen to the song over and over till we get out the car."

"Ok consider me warned but I doubt it is that bad"

The song starts up and I look back and see Ryan beginning to bob his head. Eric has no idea how loud it is about to get.

_OOOHHHH MESER STEAL YOUR GIRL. _

_HAY GIRL HAY GIRL_

_BOTTOMS UP BOTTOMS UP _

_(Incoherent words)_

_THROW HANDS UP_

_BOTTOMS UP BOTTOMS UP_

Eric burst out laughing and turns to look at Ryan. I look to the rear view mirror and he is really moving in his car seat. He looks so much like Eric but I think Jason is rubbing of on him. When Jason is in the car with us he sings along with Ryan which only makes Ryan get louder.

"That is so funny" Eric returns to softly laughing.

We continue the ride with Ryan contining to sing. We hear the song 2 more times before we arrive at the Little Gym. I am surprised that as soon as we exit the care Eric opens the back door and gets Ryan out. Eric continues to care him as we walk in. I can't help but think that we really look like a family.

I introduce Eric to the parents and Holly the instructor. Of course all the women were eye fucking him and Eric is oblivious because he has his attention solely on Ryan. This impresses me because the Eric I know is always aware and preening at the attention. Maybe he has grown up after all. I still plan to be cautious and not make any assumptions. As Eric leads Ryan by the hand on the balance beam, I take the opportunity to talk to Felipe, the instructor for the Sport Skill class.

Felipe is about 5'10 and athletically built. He actually looks like a young Antonio Bandaras. Most importantly he is always flirting with the young mothers. I don't mind since it is always innocent and I never flirt back , I just smile and blush. We talk about the class and he tells me when the new class starts. All the while he is flirting. I can't help the blushing as he lightly touches my arm. As he puts his hand on my arm I glanced up to check on Ryan and Eric. I see Ryan playing with one of the little boys but Eric is glaring at me. What's his problem? He couldn't be jealous could he? Oh well that's his problem I owe him nothing, his lucky I let him in our lives.

I turn my attention back to Felipe when I feel him behind me.

"Hello we haven't been introduced I'm Eric… Ryan's dad" he hold out his hand and Felipe shakes it.

"Oh… Hello …I'm Felipe DeCastro, one of the instructors. I was just speaking to your beautiful wife about signing up Ryan for my Sports class"

"I'm _not _his wife. He is just Ryan's father" I blurt out before thinking. I look to see a hurt expression flash across Eric's face.

"Sorry for the assumption…I must be going but I look forward to see Ryan and you too Sookie in my class" Felipe says with a wink and turns to leave.

I look up at Eric and he looks upset. I ask whats wrong but he just says later. I go get Ryan from the Tunnels and we leave. We have dinner at Chili's and the conversation is strain. After a while he seems to get the stick out of his ass and his mood improves. We talk some more about Ryan's upcoming party and who I'm inviting. He asks can he come over later during the week to hang out we Ryan. I tell him of course and in fact feel free to come over during the while I'm at work. I know running a club means he will work at night and his free time will be during the day. He asks about Octavia and tells me he can't believe I of all people would allow a nanny in my home.

I tell him that Octavia is more of a grandmother figure and actually lives with us in the in-law suite that was built in the back of the house. I go on to tell him that Amelia referred her since Octavia was her nanny growing up.

We finish dinner and drive back home in silence because Ryan has fallen asleep. When we get out Eric once again gets Ryan and carries him in still asleep to bed. I could get us to this because that boy is heavy. After we tuck him I offer him a drink which he accepts. We sit on the couch in silence but surprisingly it is not awkward. He turns to look at me and finally breaks the silence.

"So … whats up with that Felipe guy"

"nothing why?"

"Didn't look like nothing by the way you were blushing " His tone was flat with no emotion.

"Felipe is just a big flirt…and I can't help that it makes me feel flattered. Any way it has nothing to do with you"

"Are you going to date him?

"Once again none of your business?

"I beg to differ. Who ever is around Ryan is my business"

"You know what I'm glad you brought that up. It is time to go over some rules"

He raised that one eyebrow that always makes him look so damn sexy. And here I have him alone on my couch. His lips are full and begging to be kissed and nipped , uumm.

_Damn it Sookie Focus you need to talk about the rules. You don't want him having his disposable women around Ryan_.

"Rules?"

"Yes dating Rules. I don't want him around anyone you are casually seeing. Also I'm sure the time will come when you'll want him to stay the night. I don't want him _seeing _anybody spend the night. Before you get upset and think I'm just being a bitch, I'll let you know I follow the same rules. Only one man I've ever dated has been around Ryan and continues to be because we are still friends. And of course when you enter a serious relationship I know these rules will be breakable."

"You follow the same rules? ….You've been dating?

"Of course I have needs too I'm not a fucking nun. Did you think I had just been playing mom these past 3 years?

He is quiet and doesn't say anything. I see an emotion feel his eyes and it seems like sadness and regret. That can't be right I must be misreading him.

"Oh my God…..you did. Well hate to burst you bubble but that hasn't and isn't the case"

"Are you seeing someone now?"

"Not exactly"

"What does that mean?"

"That's my business ….just know that I follow the rules and I expect you to do the same. I didn't ask about your dating life"

" I' don't have one but of course I understand I didn't mean to upset you"

I don't know whether am more shocked that he isn't dating or that he is dropping the topic. I am glad he dropped the topic because this had the potential to be a huge argument.

" …. Well I need to head to the club and do some paper work"

Eric stands up from the couch and walks to the door. I follow behind him and let him out. Before he walks away he asks me to go shopping with him to buy a car seat for him to keep in his car. He is full of surprises tonight. I tell him yes and we agree to go tomorrow during my lunch hour. As he drives off I can't help but to be optimistic. Maybe just Maybe everything will work out

* * *

Translations:

Trevligt att träffa dig och tackar för undervisning min son mitt modersmål

_Nice to meet you and thank you for teaching my son my native language _

Hej Sir, det är trevligt att träffa dig. Så din varför Sookie vill Ryan att lära sig svenska. Du vet jag tror att det var en av anledningarna till att hon anställde mig. Och tro att jag tänkte ett europeiskt språk skulle vara meningslöst i söder.

_Hi Sir, it's nice to meet you. So your why Sookie wants Ryan to learn Swedish. You know I think that was one of the reasons she hired me. And to think I thought a European language would be useless in the south. _


	7. Chapter 7

Sorry it took me so long to update. Life happens and I was trying to find a beta, because I know my mistakes were distracting. So a special thanks goes out to ZuliaGirl for being my Beta. This Chapter will bounce between both Eric and Sookie's POV. On another note, I know people might say Sookie is forgiving Eric too soon but remember a month has past and Eric has been on his best behavior. Also they fell fast and hard for each other the first time, so with their chemistry it's bound to happen again as long as Eric doesn't mess things up again. Once again, here is the disclaimer: I own nothing everyone belongs to Charlaine Harris. Thank you for all the reviews.

EPOV

The past few weeks have been wonderful. Living so close to Ryan has allowed me to see him every day. Sometimes it is during the day while Sookie is at work and other times I spend the evening with both him and Sookie.

In regards to Sookie, I do not know what to do. Even after our talk, when we returned from the Little Gym, I still want her in every way. I want to be her best friend and lover again. I want to be the one she comes home to and shares how her day was. I know I am about to sound like a pussy, but the intimacy we shared is what I miss the most. She was the only woman I have been with that was with me for me, not just for my looks, sex, or money. I just wish I knew what she wanted.

I have decided that this passive shit is not working. I am done waiting for her to come to me. Last week, she had a fucking date with someone named Preston, whom Claudine set her up with. The only reason I knew was because I overheard Sookie on the phone giving someone a quick summary of the date. I was pissed. I had thought we were making progress and she turns around and goes on a fucking date. Sookie was telling the truth, she's no nun, so why am I acting like a fucking priest. Since the club opened, I have been declining women left and right, choosing to wait for Sookie. Well, that night I finally gave in and fucked Sophie Anne in my office. Sophie Anne was a slender, petite, auburn haired woman; who had been throwing herself at me for weeks. I thought maybe that's what I needed to get Sookie out of my system because she clearly didn't want me. As soon as I was done with Sophie Anne, I felt instant regret. She wasn't who I wanted writhing under me; it was Sookie I craved.

The next day I talked to Pam about what happened and she asked the one question that put everything into perspective.

"Eric does Sookie even know how you feel about her?"

"Of course I told her when…"

"Well, when did you tell her?"

"Fuck!….I told her how I had loved her back in college and regretted the break up, but not that I still do."

"Eric, whoever took your balls, go fucking get them back. Man up and pursue her like you did the first time. It's not like she can read your mind."

Pam was right, I needed to step up and go get my woman back. Thus, I decided starting today I will start letting Sookie know just how much I want her. The past week, I swear she looks at me with longing in her eyes. I feel in my gut that she does want me, she is just denying herself.

This afternoon I am meeting with her to go shopping for Ryan's birthday gift. His party was supposed to be this past weekend but he was sick so Sookie moved it to this coming weekend. Maybe this rare alone time will let me get a sense of what her feelings are for me. She is to meet me at the club since it is actually not too far from her job. I have a couple of meetings with some distributors and will already be there.

The meetings went well and I even managed to receive a deal from the alcohol distributor. Since I have time to waste before Sookie arrives, I head to the bar to talk to Felicia our new bartender.

Felicia agreed to come in early to do inventory and stock the bar for tonight. If I were the same Eric from last year, I would already have her across the bar. Felicia is an exotic beauty of mixed heritage and an accent that makes me believe she is from the islands. She is 5'11 with a modalisque figure and a flawless honey complexion. Today, Felicia is wearing a pair of tight blue jeans cut off short and a white tank top that exposes her aqua blue bra. Her long curly brunette hair is pulled into a high ponytail. She is beautiful, but she still does not hold a candle to my Sookie.

Felicia is on the stepping stool putting away the liquor on the top shelf when she loses her footing. I rush forward and catch her before she falls. Of course that would be the moment Sookie arrives. In addition, she does not look happy, in fact, she looks pissed. Could it be? Could she really be jealous? After all that shit she said to me the other night, it would serve her right. Unfortunately, this has potential to backfire on me and drive her further away. Luckily, Felicia removes herself from my arms and professionally thanks me for not letting her fall. I notice Sookie visibly relax as Felicia makes it quite clear nothing was going on.

After introductions are made, I leave and instruct Felicia to lock up. As we drive to Toys R' Us Sookie is extremely quiet and looks at me when she thinks I am not paying attention. Something is clearly on her mind. I ask if she all right and she assure me, everything is fine. After I manage to buy half of Ryan's birthday wish list, I suggest lunch. Sookie agrees and suggests this hole in the wall BBQ place. It is so small that there is nowhere to sit so we eat at the park across the street.

We discuss what time I need to pick up the cake and some other items that she had forgotten. I tell her not to worry I will not let her down. I mean this in more ways than the obvious party. Sookie is staring at me, looking into my eyes with such intensity as if she is looking for something. I decide to make my move. A month has already gone by and I have clearly claimed my position as Ryan's father. Now I need to see where I stand with Sookie. I tenderly grab her hand and hold it as I lazily rub my thumb over the back of her hand. Surprisingly, she does not pull back as she normally does.

Sookie you've been quiet, what is on your mind? You can tell me, you've always said I was a good listener."

"Not about this….I can't talk to you about this. I need to figure it out on my own," She says, as she is looking down to our entwined hands on her lap.

I nod my head and tell her I understand. Sookie then raises her head up as I turn my body towards her. Her eyes reflect that she is having an internal struggle. She looks so vulnerable and all I want to do is comfort her. I raise my free hand and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. I do not pull it back; instead, I rest it on her cheek. It pleases me when she leans into my touch and lets out a sigh. Before I can talk myself out of it, I slowly bring my head down towards her. My intentions are clear and the slowness gives her a chance to stop me. Instead of stopping me, she closes the distance herself.

The kiss is not aggressive. Instead, it is slow and passionate. I try to use the kiss to convey all the love and longing I have for her. After what seems like hours, Sookie pulls away. I am smiling until I open my eyes and see tears slowly falling from Sookie's. Shit…this is not what I envisioned her reaction to be.

"Sookie…don't cry. You know I hate to see you cry."

"I need to go home. Can you take me back to my car?"

"….Yeah, sure."

"Sookie, I'm sorry…about…"

"Eric…I can't talk about it right now. Just take me to my car."

We drive back to the club in silence. I thought everything was progressing nicely and it was the right time to try to get her back. Clearly, I was wrong and fucked up any progress we had made. I just hope this does not affect Ryan's relationship with me. When we get to the club, I stop her from getting out by grabbing her hand.

"Sookie, I didn't mean to upset you and I hope we can keep what happens between us and not involve Ryan."

"No…No you didn't do anything wrong, just….I need to go. I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'll be there 2 hours before the party to help you get everything ready."

Sookie silently nodded and gave me a weak smile. She gave my hand a gentle squeeze before she pulled away and got out of the car.

**SPOV **

I cannot believe I kissed him. What was I thinking? I need to talk to Amelia; maybe she could help me make sense of my emotions. I call Amelia and ask if she can come over for dinner tonight and lend me her ear. Being the great friend she is, she agrees and said she will be there after work.

When I arrive home Ryan is down for his afternoon nap, and Octavia was packing for her trip to see her friend in New Orleans after Ryan's party. I take the opportunity to take a hot bath and reflect over the past month.

I never thought I would be in the situation I now find myself in with Eric. His behavior this past month has definitely shown me he is not the same Eric from college. There is now a maturity about him that he definitely lacked before. I admit in the beginning I was a bitch to him, and not once did he escalate the argument. Instead, he tried to diffuse the situation or change the subject.

Amelia is the one who brought my bitchy behavior to my attention. I had told her about Eric and my discussion about dating around Ryan. After that, I started to pay attention to my behavior and realized she was right. Amelia reminded me that I had forgiven him so I needed to stop throwing the past back in his face and move on. I knew she was right, but it was hard because he had hurt me so deeply. However, I resolved to improve my attitude and give him a chance to be a father to Ryan.

Eric has been wonderful with Ryan and surprisingly Ryan is already becoming attached to him. A couple of times Ryan has actually asked for me to call Eric and has gotten on the phone to talk to him. With the close proximity of our homes, Eric has been around almost every day. I have actually not been back to Bon Temps because we had been spending so much time with Eric. Having Eric around brings back all the good memories of our relationship. I find myself looking forward to seeing him and enjoying his company. It is so easy to be with him, because he understands me and always has.

I couldn't help the tears when we kissed in the park. They were tears of regret and loss. I miss what we had in college and wish that awful night never happened. I wonder if that night had never happened, would we still be together. The sense of comfort and safety I feel when I am around him can't be denied. Recently Eric has become more touchy feely with me. When he comes over, he hugs me when he arrives and before he leaves. I fight to keep myself from totally relaxing in his embrace as I want to. He has even tried to hold my hand but I always pull away. I just can't let myself get too relaxed around him because I know I will let my guard down and do something I regret. This incidentally is what happened today in the park. Eric just looked so gorgeous and needy for me, and I couldn't resist. My heart wants him back but my mind reminds me of what he did and that I shouldn't want him. Right now, my mind is wining, but I wonder for how long.

Jealousy also fueled my foolish indulgence today. When I walked into the club and saw Felicia in his arms, I was furious. All I could think was how dare she touch him, he is mine. That is the kicker. I won't allow myself to be with him and yet I don't want him to be with anyone else. Hypocritical, I know since I have Alcide, but I can't help it. Anyway, my arrangement with Alcide has been affected by Eric's presence. The first time I was with Alcide after Eric came back into my life, everything was normal. Recently I have started to feel guilty, like I am cheating. In fact, the last time I was at his home I couldn't have sex with him. I tried to prove to myself that Eric means nothing, but feeling Alcide's hands on me felt wrong. I pushed him off me, made an excuse, and left.

Even the date with Preston, a friend of Claudine and Coleman, was a disaster. The entire night I compared him to Eric, and came to the conclusion he was inferior to Eric in every way.

I am brought out of my thoughts by Ryan knocking on the bathroom door.

"Mama, open door."

"I'm coming baby…. go see what Octavia's doing?"

"Ok Mama."

As I walk out of the bedroom, Amelia arrives. We eat dinner and enjoy Ryan's entertainment for the evening. The boy is just like his dad, always having to be the center of attention. After dinner, Amelia plays with Ryan awhile before I put him to bed.

I tell Amelia everything I had been thinking in the tub earlier. After listening, she asks me if I am ready to take her advice and be honest with myself.

"Amelia I just don't know what to do."

"Yeah you do…. You are just fighting it. You know exactly what you want but are too stubborn to admit it and do anything about it. Answer me this one question and be honest. Do you still love him…I mean, are you still in love with him?"

"Honestly, yes I am still in love with him. I don't think I have ever stopped. I want to hate him but I can't. After all, he gave me Ryan."

"Sookie, if you love him and have forgiven him, what is stopping you?"

"I'm afraid he'll hurt me again. I can't go through losing him again. Besides, I have to consider Ryan. If we don't work out, how will Ryan be affected?"

"Don't get mad at what I'm about to say, but it is something you need to hear. You are not an innocent party here. If you would have acted like an adult those many years ago and not run away, you would not be in this position. You yourself told me the very next morning he tried talking to you. Yes, what he did was wrong but not to the point, you two couldn't work it out. From the sound of it, he was scared and acted rashly. He tried to fix it but you didn't give him the opportunity. Now you have a second chance to be an adult and talk to him. He has explained to you what he was going through back then. You now need to find out what his intentions towards you are."

"But Amelia, what if he hurts me again? Am I supposed to just forget what he did?"

"Sookie you can't base decisions on what ifs. In addition, no, you don't forget, you learn from the experience and make sure he understands it can't be repeated. According to you, he has grown up and is not the immature person you knew back then. And in regards to Ryan, you all have managed to be civil so far and you can keep it up. You owe it to yourself to see if it's a possibility. If it doesn't work, then at least you'll know you tried and won't have any regrets. Sookie, he won't wait forever, so if you're going to do it do it now."

"You're right. Seeing Eric with his arms around another woman made me realize that I can't let him go. I'll talk to him after the party. Jason is taking Ryan for the night since he hasn't seen him in two weeks. Octavia will also be gone so we will have privacy. I do want to work things out with him and I hope I'm successful. "

"One thing Sookie, I know you said you forgave him, but have you really? You can't keep drudging up the past to throw in his face, and what about Alcide?

"I know I can't keep punishing him for the past. It's time for me to practice what I preach. I'll officially break it off with Alcide. I know in order to move forward with Eric I'll have to cut all ties with Alcide."

"When are you going to talk to him? Does Eric know about you two?"

"I guess I better talk to Alcide now and make it clear only his sister Janice and nephew Tommy are invited to Ryan's birthday. And no, Eric doesn't know and I am dreading telling him because of the history we all share. In college my friendship with Alcide was always a sore spot in Eric's and my relationship. He was always professing his feelings for me and trying to get me back."

"You never told me that.… Sookie, do you realize that probably made Eric feel insecure and, not that I am defending him, but helped him make his fucked up choices? Eric could have perceived Alcide as the back-up guy. Meaning you keep him around, so when Eric and your relationship failed, Alcide was there to step into Eric's spot. And intentional or not, that is what happened."

"Oh my God Amelia, I didn't see it that way back then. I never …. I messed up… I was just concerned with not letting Eric dictate my life. Once I came home, Alcide was such a comfort to me."

"The important thing is that you don't repeat the same mistakes. And for all that is holy Sookie, Do NOT run away instead of communicating."

"You're right about everything. I just wanted to make Eric be the bad guy so badly. I never considered my part in the whole debacle.

"Who are you and what have you done with Sookie? "

"Ha ha, very funny Amelia, but I am serious about trying with Eric. And I will give it my all, because you're right, I don't want to have any regrets. Anyway, it's not like Alcide is a big part of my life anymore. We don't even hang out as friends anymore. We only see each other for sex. Regardless, if he knows Eric's in the picture, he'll get completive and will cause problems. "

"Just remember I'm here for you. Now, go take care of your business"

With that, I walk Amelia to the door before I call Alcide. I ask to see him and he invites me to his house. I tell Octavia that I'm running out for a while and to listen for Ryan.

I take a deep breath and ring Alcide's doorbell. I begin to give myself a pep talk. _Ok Sookie, you can do this. He'll understand. You really should have done this a while ago._

Alcide opens the door wearing only a pair of lowly slung pajama bottoms. He was just a little shorter than Eric was but had a body just as sculpted. Before I could say anything, Alcide pulled me into an embrace and started kissing me as he closed the door.

I pushed at his chest as he began to walk me towards the bedroom. His lips were devouring mine but I didn't respond.

"Alcide…. Alcide… STOP."

He abruptly stopped but didn't let me go. I pushed against his chest and took a step back.

"We need to talk."

"Sookie, can't it wait? " He moved forward to grab me again. I took two steps back to put more distance between us.

"No, I need to talk to you now. Let's go sit." I turned away from him and proceeded to the living room. I sit in the armchair so can't sit next to me. Alcide walks to the couch across from me and sits down as he stares intently at me.

"What wrong Sookie? This is the second time you've stopped me."

_Here goes nothing. _"I can't see you anymore….at all."

"What do you mean 'at all?'?"

"Eric's back. Actually, he has been back for a month already. He found out about Ryan and wants to be in his life."

"So why does that affect us? Wait, are you seeing him? Are you stupid? After he abandoned you while you were pregnant, you're just going to take him back?"

"Don't you fucking talk to me like that. What I do is my business, and he did not abandon me. You know perfectly well he didn't know I was pregnant. Anyway, I think it would be for the best if we didn't see each other anymore"

"So, are you saying we can't even be friends? You're letting that son of a bitch control whom you're friends with now? Did he tell you to stop seeing me?

"He doesn't even know about you." _A hurt look brief crossed his face before he returned to his pissed expression. _"I plan to tell him everything, but I needed to settle things with you first. As for us remaining friends, let's be honest about it. We don't hang out anymore. We just call each other to meet somewhere for sex and then part ways. We don't even talk afterwards like we did in the beginning."

"Damn Sookie, you don't have to be such a cold-hearted bitch. After all I've done for you and Ryan when he was a baby, this is how you treat me?"

"I don't mean to sound like a bitch, I'm just being honest. I don't want to string you along. I do appreciate everything you did for me back then. However, that's in the past where we were in a relationship or you were trying to get me into one. You were there for his milestones, but you haven't seen him in a year."

"That's because…" He was at a loss for words. There really wasn't a reason why he didn't see Ryan. Not that I expected him to. When he became involved with Debbie Pelt he lost all contact with me. I didn't hear from him till after she left him. Thinking about it, I saw that was when our friendship started to die and all that was left was sex. That's when we began to use each other.

"Look Alcide, nothing you can say will change anything. It is over. Don't call me and I won't call you. Janice is still my friend, but I will make sure our friendship doesn't involve you. I invited her and Tommy to Ryan's birthday; she told me she was going to ask you to come along. It will be for the best if you decline."

"So basically, since you have the chance to fuck Northman again, my services are no longer needed."

"I'm giving you your freedom. I am baggage that you don't need. Eventually, you're going to meet someone and this will end anyway. So why not do it now?"

"Thanks for being so noble." His voice dripped with sarcasm. "Well, you've said what you had to say, it's time you left."

I rise from my seat and walk to the door. Right before I walk out, I turn to look at him one last time.

"I am sorry Alcide." With those words, I close the door on the past and prepare myself for the future.

* * *

Next Chapter is the party and I'm planning drama. Hint, Alcide doesn't listen too well.


	8. Chapter 8

I am so sorry for the long delay in putting up a new chapter. Life got in the way. I had a death in the family that I took hard and lost my desire to write. Then work got in the way. But any way here is the new chapter. It is un-beta so please excuse the mistakes. Again thank you for all the alerts an reviews. Again I own nothing. Just playing with Ms. Harris's characters.

**EPOV**

"What the Hell just happened" is all I can say as I watch Sookie drive off. I am confused more than ever. I thought for sure I had messed up with Sookie, but the squeeze she gave my hand before she left gave me hope. More than ever I needed to follow Pam's advice and talk to Sookie about my feelings for her. I think I'll hang out after the party and talk to her. She had already told me Ryan would be spending the night with Jason. Also, Octavia would be out of town. This would be the perfect opportunity to have a relationship talk with Sookie. I am tired of living like this.

All night long I can't help but sit in my office distracted. When ever Sookie is involved my whole being is thrown into chaos. Emotions that are normally foreign to me like insecurity, jealousy, and impulsiveness dominate me. At the same time she brings out the best in me. I want to be a better man for her. The kind of man that is worthy of her affections.

While we were in college, I heard Alcide profess his love for Sookie on several occasions. At first it didn't bother me because she was mine and who would pick him over me. _Hey no one ever accused me of being humble_. Sookie had really upgraded when she started dating me. Soon I had enough and told Alcide to back off. Sookie would always but in and tell me they were just friends and I couldn't tell her who to hang out with. She saw them as friends but I knew he was just biding his time to find her in a moment of weakness. Things changed when I really listened to the conversation between them and saw she really wasn't discouraging him enough. After Alcide would flatter her and declare how he would do anything to get her back; she would simply say "Alcide, I'm with Eric". What the fuck did that mean? She never told him not to say those things to her or that she loved and was committed to me. Instead, it sounded like I was a fucking road block in their relationship. That is when my insecurity began to creep into my thoughts in regards to our relationship. And the fact that it was the first and only relationship I had ever been in did not help matters. Until Sookie all I ever had were fuck buddies and one night stands. So I didn't know then what I do now; that communication is everything.

I didn't want to admit to my insecurities so when I talked to Sookie she couldn't understand why I didn't want Alcide around. I tried to understand what Alcide was giving her that prevented her from completely letting him go. Why was their friendship worth more than our romantic relationship? Maybe I wasn't the one she really wanted. Alcide was the type of guy who was made to live the suburbia dream. I on the other hand had a reputation of the bad boy who could give you a night to remember. Perhaps she was using me to let her wild side out and would eventually leave me for someone more domesticated. In fact the majority of our fights were over Alcide. It seemed the more I complained about Alcide, the more Sookie defended him.

That is why I mistakenly allowed Yvetta into my life. I really didn't understand then why talking to her was wrong. I figured since Sookie continued to talk to Alcide why couldn't talk to Yvetta. Sure we flirted but Alcide was worse with Sookie and she never discouraged it. But now I see that is were the difference lies. Although Sookie didn't discourage Alcide, she never returned his behavior. Were as I actively encouraged and participated in Yvetta's behavior.

I am man enough to admit I was wrong and I plan to tell Sookie that. Acknowledgement to my faults and mistakes are my first step in becoming the new and improved Eric Northman. And unlike before nothing will keep me from fighting to have what is mine. When I saw Alcide's truck that morning it truly hurt me. It seemed to prove that my insecurities were founded and the first chance they got they were together again. Finding out the real reason he was there was bittersweet. I hate that Sookie went thru that scare but I was happy they hadn't had sex. I gave up to quickly last time. I will not repeat that mistake again.

This past month has shown me that I definitely am not the same man. With the exception of Sophie Anne, I had not slept with anyone even though I had numerous offers. Before now just the mere thought of spending time at home would drive me up the wall. I use to love to go out and be in the midst of the social scene. But now I am content to just spend time with both Ryan and Sookie. Now if only I can get my act together and show Sookie that I have truly changed so she will again allow me to be the recipient of her affections.

Turning off my computer, I give up all pretense of me working tonight. I might as well go home and get some sleep, because I didn't know what tomorrow will bring. I grab my jacket and exit my office and run into Pam.

"I'm out of here….Pam, don't forget the party starts at 4 o'clock"

"Actually Sookie called me earlier and asked if I would be interested in accompanying Amelia and Ryan to lunch and the dinosaur exhibit at the museum, while you two decorate. She said Ryan is a hand full and will try to take down whatever you all put up. "

"What time are you getting there?"

"11:00…Oh yeah" she has that sly smile "she asked if you could stay after the party. She said she has to talk to you."

"I was planning on it anyway. It's time we discussed what's going on between us."

"Eric, you better is sure this is what you want. You hurt her last time and this time it's not just her you'll be hurting.

"I know Pam. I've really thought about what I want and it is my family. But if she doesn't want me I know I only have myself to blame and I'll respect her wishes. But this time I'm not going away without a fight. "

"Well good for you big brother…you stopped being a whiny bitch." One thing about Pam she doesn't hold back.

"Goodnight Pam, I'll see you tomorrow" I say as I walk past her and out the back door.

As I fall asleep for the first time I feel hope. I will get Sookie back. She will be mine again.

**Party day**

"Damn it" Who knew getting balloons would be so difficult. For a second time I attempt to successfully load all the balloons into the vehicle. I already had to go back into Party City to replace the Iron Man balloon that flew away as I tried to close the back of the Escalade. I also bought a disposable helium tank and some replacement balloons just in case. I didn't want to let Ryan or Sookie down.

I am glad she allowed me to be apart of his birthday, but I can't help but think of his birthdays I missed. Not just his birthdays but all his firsts: like his first word, step, smile, and tooth. That is something I can never get back. At this moment it upsets me that if only Sookie had told me I could have been there for every important moment of Ryan's life. The only comfort I have is that there wasn't another man who tried to fill my role in the beginning. That was my greatest fear when I first found out about Ryan. I was afraid Sookie would be in a relationship and Ryan would be attached and there would be no place for me. I am so lucky things have worked out like they have and Sookie has seemed to have forgiven me. I know I don't deserve it and especially so soon, but she told me she was forgiving me for our son. Maybe eventually she will forgive me for herself and we can move beyond this. Hopefully our talk tonight will shut the door on the hurtful past and allow us to proceed forward.

As I ponder what I want to say to Sookie tonight, the song on the radio catches my attention.

_God I'm down here on my knees_

_Cause it's the last place left to fall_

_Beggin' for another chance _

_If there's any chance at all_

_That you might still be listenin'_

_Lovin' and forgivin' guys like me_

_I've spent my whole life gettin' it all wrong_

_And I sure could use your help just from now on_

_I wanna be a good man_

_A do like I should man_

_I wanna be the kind of man the mirror likes to see_

_I wanna be a strong man_

_And admit that I was wrong man_

_God I'm askin' you to come change me_

_Into the man I wanna be _

_If there's any way for her and me to make another start_

_Could you see what you could do_

_To put some love back in her heart_

_Cause it gonna to take a miracle_

_After all I've done to really make her see_

_That I wanna be a stay man_

_I wanna be a brave man_

_I wanna be the kind of man she sees in her dreams_

_God I wanna be your man_

_And I wanna be her man_

_God I only hope she still believes _

_In the man I wanna be_

_Well I know this late at night that talk is cheap_

_But Lord don't give up on me yeah_

_I wanna be a givin' man_

_I wanna really start livin' man_

_God I'm askin' you to come change me _

_Into the man I wanna be_

The song is like a window into my thoughts. It expresses exactly what I am feeling and wishing for. Sookie and Ryan deserve more than what I have given them. And if Sookie gives me a second chance I promise not to take it for granted. All I need is a chance to prove myself. The song itself is an example of Sookie's everlasting impression on my life. It's a country song and before Sookie, you couldn't pay me to listen to country music. But Sookie introduced me to country and it has remained my guilty pleasure. No one and I mean not even Pam knows I secretly listen to country. When I asked Sookie why she loved country music so much she would say country songs are a snapshot of everyday life moments and experiences. And at this moment that couldn't be any closer to the truth. I just need to be honest and open with Sookie and speak from the heart. As my resolve builds, I pull up to Sookie's house.

I grab the cake and ice cream and get to the front door as Octavia is leaving.

"Hello Eric, Let me get the door for you"

"Thank you Octavia, where's Sookie" I ask as I walk into the house and set the cake in the kitchen,

"She just got into the shower. I already told her I was leaving. You're early aren't you?"

"Yeah I got up early and started early on my errands. Luckily the cake was done, so I picked that up early." We walk back outside for me to get the balloons and presents.

"Well I must be getting on the road in order to get to New Orleans by dinner. Do you need anything before I go?"

"I hate to admit it but I forgot to buy gift wrap for Ryan's presents. Does Sookie have any?"

"Yes it's in her bedroom closet. Look Eric I really have to go can you get it yourself it's in a clear tall container marked WRAP" Octavia says as she puts her bags into her trunk.

"Sure I got it thanks have a safe trip"

"I will thank you"

I watch Octavia drive away and head back inside. I let the balloons loose in the dining room and place Ryan's presents on the table. I then proceed to Sookie's room for the first time. It is the only room on the front of the house. Ryan's room is in the back of the house near Octavia's room. I open the door to her room and it reflects Sookie's feminine taste. A king size cherry wood four post bed accented with a lilac comforter and pillows dominates the room. She also has a beige and lilac floral Victorian chaise at the foot of her bed. Cherry wood bed side tables and dresser fill up the rest of the space. I hear the shower going from behind the door in the corner so that means the closet is behind the double doors next to the bathroom door… I make my way into the closet and start looking for the gift wrap. I don't bother to find the light switch because the huge bedroom windows allow enough sunlight in so I can see. I finally find the container and pull a roll out along with the scissors and tape. Apparently I was too focused on my search because I didn't hear the water cut off and not prepared for what I was seeing.

Completely unaware of my presence in the closet was Sookie standing completely naked with only a towel around her hair at her dresser. From where I am I see her profile. Her breasts are larger than I remember and are just begging for my hands to massage them. She must be cold because her nipples are standing at attention. Ohh how I remember enveloping them in my mouth and suckling them as she moaned in pleasure. I want her so bad. I am aching to touch her and I mean literally aching because I am so hard now. Her stomach is flat and I can't believe that body has given birth. Still not looking in my direction she turns her body to face me as she bends over to slide her panties on. I just want to throw her on the bed and fuck her. On second thought she always loved it when I fucked her roughly against a wall. As she straights back up she sees me.

"ERIC" She quickly yanks the towel from her head and covers herself. I am mesmerized by Sookie's gorgeous body and can't utter a word. All I can do is run an "Eric and Sookie's Sexual Highlights" montage thru my mind. I have never desired her more, than in this very moment. I contemplate what to do next, do I turn around an apologize or make my move. Fuck it it's been to long I can't wait, I want to feel her. I drop the items from my hands and walk towards her.

"Eric what are you…." That's all she manages to say. I pull the towel away with one hand and the other grabs a fist full of her hair as I pull into a ravishing kiss. At first she doesn't respond and I start to pull back until she grabs me by the hair and pulls me back to her. I break away to kiss down her jaw line and neck to that special spot behind her ear that drives her wild. And just as I knew it would she become more aggressive. She starts to pull my t-shirt out of my pants to run her soft hands up my chest. At the same times my hands cup her breast as lightly run my thumbs across her hard nipples. She moans and it spurns me on to run my hand down her side, across her hip and down to her panty clad slit. I begin to rub her and she is already fucking wet for me. As she pushes herself against my hand she pulls the hem of my shirt up and I take the hint and pull it off. Now my naked chest is against her luscious breast as I continue to rub her thru her panties as she continues to moan louder. I then feel her hand massaging my cock thru my jeans.

"Fuck Sookie… you're so fucking hot I want you… "

"Oh…Eric"

That's all I need to hear. I pick her up and she wraps her legs around my waist and grinds herself on my bulge.

"Eric….bed"

I walk to the bed and lay her down, before I climb in also. I resume my devouring kisses. I slid my hand between us to her soaked panties and pull them aside as I rub her clit. She is so fucking wet that my finger easily glides into her. I place open mouth kisses down her neck and chest. I take her nipple into my mouth and swirl my tongue around it. I then feel her hands tugging at my belt. As she undoes my belt and jeans I add a second finger. Sookie is so fucking wet and I can't wait to be in her. I groan as I feel her hand slide into my jeans and grab me. Then all of a sudden she yanks her hand back. What the Fuck?

"Eric.. The door, someone's at the door" I continue my ministrations on her breast and sliding my fingers in her.

"They (lick) can come (suck) back …. To early (Lick) for party guests (suck)"

"Uuhh…Eric….it's probably the …aahh….rental company"

"Shit" is all I can say as I let her push me away.

"I'm not dressed you go handle it"

"Alright, I'll be back" I then proceed to do up my pants and pull my shirt on. I walk to the door beyond pissed. I was so close and then cockblocked. Hopefully they'll hurry and set everything up and leave so I can get back to Sookie. I lead the guys to the backyard and tell them were we want everything.

As I am waiting for the guys to set up the bouncy house I start thinking about what just happened. I was upset that we were interrupted, but now that I had time to cool down I'm glad we were. I was just so turned on by seeing Sookie naked in front of me that I started thinking with my dick instead of my brain. If we had slept together, I have no doubt it would have erased any progress we made. I don't want her to think that sex is all I want from her. My end goal is for us to be back in a relationship, but this time it would be stronger. But I know we have been apart for awhile and apparently we have both changed in some instances. We need to get to know each other again and see if we are still even compatible. Do we want the new versions of "Us" or are we hanging onto the past versions. At least tonight we get to finally talk to each other ant lay all are cards on the table.

Finally the guys leave and I head back inside to apologize to Sookie. I find her standing at the dining room table wrapping the gifts I brought for Ryan. Sookie looks beautiful. Her long blond hair is pulled up into a messy bun with chop sticks. A v neck marine blue sweater that brings out the blue of her eyes: is her top of choice. Paired with that beautiful sweater are dark wash low rise denim jeans hugging her every curve and black boots. I clear my throat to let her know I am there and she looks at me with a worried expression. She opens her mouth to speak but I interrupt her.

"Sookie, wait let me say something real quick. I want to apologize for what happened in your bedroom. First I shouldn't have been in there to begin with and secondly I should not have reacted like I did. It was a mistake and I wish I could take it back" I see a hurt expression cross her face and I hastily continue. "As much I want to be with you in every way again, I think having sex before we discuss what we need to could only complicate matters or keep us from being 100% honest with each other. We need a clean slate. I know we promised to talk tonight but I want you to know I want us to be together again. Now you don't have to say anything and I don't expect you to. I just want it clear where I stand."

"I … you know what… Like you said this can wait till tonight. We have a party to get ready for" She then gave me her beautiful sincere smile. I knew then everything was ok.

Sookie told me want to decorate, while she got the food ready. An hour later Iron Man was every where you looked. Thanks to typical unpredictable southern weather even though it was winter, the temperature today was 70 degrees so we could have the party outside. Sookie was happy about this so the kids could run around and use the bouncy house I rented. With my assigned tasks done I proceed to the kitchen to see if Sookie needs any help. I hear music playing and it is Outkast's "I like the way you move". As I enter the kitchen I am once again speechless. Sookie is apparently done cooking and is now cleaning up. But it's not what she's doing that has me gawking at her but how. She is dancing and I mean seductively dancing as she cleans. All of the sudden she falls down into a squat to wipe up a spill on the floor. This instantly transports me to the memory of the strip tease she gave me one birthday. That was one memory I often revisit when I need a little release. Oh my god how could I ever had been stupid enough to let this women go. Sookie straighten back up and tosses the paper towel in the trash. She still has her back to me still swaying her hips. I step behind her and place my hands on her waist pulling her to me as I begin to move with her. She jumps and turns around to I assume yell at me when the music changes. Before she can open her mouth an up tempo country song starts to play. I don't know the song but I smile and grab her hand as I pull away and spin her around. As I bring her back to me she has a huge smile on her face. I bring my hand up to tip an invisible cowboy hat.

"Hello little lady my I have this dance" I try to imitate a southern drawl. Sookie throws her head back in laughter. It takes a few seconds for her to regain her composure before she can reply.

"Why certainly… Cowboy "

Nothing else is said as we dance to the song. We both laugh and she giggles as I twirl her around the kitchen. All too soon the song is over and she pulls away from me.

"Oh my god, No one would ever believe Mr. Head banger, can dance country"

"And no one will ever know. It's our dirty little secret. "

"So there haven't been any country bars in these past years? No cowgirl girl to catch your fancy?"

"Hell No only you could have ever gotten me to go to a country bar. And I have a thing for southern belles not cowgirls"

Before she could say anything we heard the front door open and a moment later Ryan came running in dragging a huge stuffed dinosaur behind him. Seriously it was almost as big as him.

"Look momma, I got dinosawr. Pammie got it for me"

"Ohh that's a big dinosaur, did you say thank you"

"Yes he did Sookie. My nephew has excellent manners. Obviously he got that from you since his dad is so rude"

I scowl at Pam and am about to say something snappy when Ryan decides to latch onto the one word in Pam's sentence we had not prepared for.

"Dad, what a Dad?

I didn't know what to say so far Sookie has always referred to me as Eric. I was secretly hoping she would finally acknowledge me to Ryan. I wanted to hear him call me dad instead of my friend Eric. I glared at Pam to let her know she messed up. To her credit she quickly excused herself and Amelia to bring some bags from the car in. I finally chanced a glance at Sookie and she looked conflicted. Our eyes met and we held each other's gaze before Ryan interrupted again.

"Momma…what a Dad? Sookie let out a sigh before she bent over to pick Ryan up and sit him on the counter in front of us.

"Baby… Eric is your Dad. I'm your momma (she points to herself) and his your dad (she points to me)"

She repeats our titles and gestures to us again. Ryan is quiet and I don't think he understands what is going on but again my boy surprises me.

"I like my Dad he play with me. Come on let go play"

To hear myself being called Dad by my son brings a swell of emotion up in me. I vow a very moment I will not try, but I will be the father Ryan deserves. I look at Sookie and see she has watery eyes and slowly a tear slides down her cheek.

"Momma sad. Why you sad Momma"

"I'm not sad baby, I'm happy you and your Dad are here"

Sookie wipes the tears away and finally looks at me. I grab her had and tell her thank you. She nods her head at me as I pick up Ryan. I just really need to hold him right now. He seems to know something is going on because he lays his head on my should. I pull Sookie to me with my free arm and hold her against me. She wraps her arms around my waist as she looks at Ryan in my arms. I look down at Ryan and back at Sookie. This is right; this is the way it is suppose to be. A throat clearing brings our attention to Pam and Amelia standing in the door way both sporting a sly grin. And just like that the moment is over but my resolve has been further cemented. This is the life I want and I would show Sookie how she would too.

Jason arrives soon after Sookie took Ryan for his bath and to get him dress. I take the gifts to set up on the table in the backyard and ask Jason to help. This would be a perfect time to talk to him. He is protective of Sookie and especially Ryan and I need to make sure we are ok. This past month at best he has tolerated me. I wanted to let him know of my intentions with Sookie so he wouldn't be questioning mine or her actions. He was really the only one who could affect her decisions especially when Ryan was concerned. If I wanted Sookie, I needed Jason not to be my enemy and putting doubts in Sookie's head. After we had I all the gifts outside and no one was around I took my chance.

"Hey Jason, Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure "Was his reply while looking at me expectantly.

"I know that Ryan is spending the night with you….."

"Dude, I have not spent time with him since you decided to show up. You better not be trying to change…"

"No, No, Jason you can take him. I just wanted to let you me and Sookie are planning to have a long waited discussion once we are alone"

"What about?"

"Jason I know I haven't done right by her and it's my fault we are in the situation we are in now. But I want to fix that. I want me and Sookie to work on having a real relationship together and not just as parents."

"So let me get this shit straight. You think after a month of playing daddy and kissing Sook's ass, she'll forget what an asshole you are. How you fucked up her life and left her alone? You think you can have her sitting at home waiting for you, while you fuck around with all the women in your club? Yeah, I know all about New Orleans. I was bangin a chick down there and I actually went to your Bar down there a couple of times. Heard all about you. Even saw you a couple of times with different woman all over you. I know Sookie calls me a man whore… but damn you're worse than me. I won't let you break her heart again. So if that is you intentions keep your fuckin mouth shut and just keep playing daddy."

I was shocked and then I got pissed. Who did he fucking think he is to tell me what to do and to presume to know my intentions. I am getting worked up and then I realize what he said about being in New Orleans. Has he told this to Sookie? Is this why she has been so distant before today. Or will he tell her about my past behavior and cause even more doubt? These thought quickly deflate any anger as I feel a sense of hopelessness. Jason has every right to doubt me. I have certainly lived up to the asshole title everyone has bestowed upon me.

"Look Jason, I understand where you're coming from but it's not like that. Even thought it was unintentional I did fuck up her _and_ my life. Because of my behavior I missed out on three years of _my_ son's life. Because I was being an immature asshole, she had to go thru one of the most difficult time in her life alone. And that I can never be sorry enough for. I know I don't deserve her or Ryan. But now that I see what I have been missing, I can't live with out them. I intend to be faithful to her, because face it no one can ever compare to Sookie. All I ask from you is to not interfere or put doubts in her head."

Jason just stared at me for a few minutes before he shrugged. "Whatever man, As long as Sook is happy, I'm happy. I won't interfere. But remember this…. I know all the perfect places to hide a body in Bon Temps. Fuck my sister or nephew over and you'll be sorry."

I am speechless. Jason Fuckin Stackhouse just threaten me. I am trying to find my voice when he breaks into a huge smile and starts laughing. What the fuck is he laughing at? He lightly hits my shoulder before he stops laughing enough to talk.

"Lighten up man I'm just playing….but seriously, you hurt them…I'll hurt you. Sookie and Ryan are the only family I have left and I won't let them get hurt. And remember at least with me you have a fighting chance. Sookie has gotten a lot better with her kick-boxing; she'll knock your ass out. What's the saying the bigger they are the harder they fall."

With that last parting line Jason runs back to the house as he sees Ryan coming out. As I walk towards them Sookie was looking at me smiling and telling Jason he could show Ryan the bouncy house. Jason promptly picked up Ryan and ran off. He really was an overgrown kid sometimes. Sookie surveyed the decorations for the first time and says everything is perfect. I help her bring the food out as the guests begin to arrive. After everything is situated, Sookie goes into hostess mode. I help her were I can and inbetween performing her hostees duties, Sookie introduces me to everyone I don't know. This is practically everyone. I only know our fellow Little Gym parents and Claudine. Shockly Claudine is actually being friendly towards me. She introduces me to her husband Coleman and their 6 month old Claudette. Claudine asked how Pam was and I informed her than Pam was actually roaming around here somewhere. She looked excited and told Coleman and I she was going to find her. I stayed talking to Coleman and found out he was a music promoter. Ah, I think I have found a new friend. We talked shop for a while and he like me came from Europe. He was born in Ireland but grew up here in Lousiana.

Everything was going fine until the one person I never expected to see came through the side gate. Just the sight of that mother fucker made my blood boil. Alcide walked in with an air of comfort. Like he had been here many times. That thought made me wonder if that had been the case. Had Sookie been seeing him? I don't want to think she still is because of what happened between her and me today. I had completely forgotten about Coleman's presence; upon seeing Alcide. That is until Coleman called him over.

Alcide walked over to us with a look of superiority on his face. A dark haired woman followed behind him holding the hand of a little boy, who quickly drops her hand and joins the other children. She is the first to speak.

"Hey Coleman nice to see you….Where's Claudine and Claudette?"

"Oh she went to go find Eric's sister, Pam. You know her college girlfriend" He lazily nodded in my direction.

"Oh…So you are Ryan's dad. No denying that… he's like your mini me." The woman lets out a little giggle.

"Yes, I'm Eric Northman and you are…"

"Janice, this big lug's sister." She playfully back hands Alcide's chest. "Ryan and my boy Tommy are Bon Temps buddies. We live a mile downs the road from the farm house."

"Well it was nice to meet you Janice, but I need to see if Sookie needs anything."

"No problem go ahead, I know how hectic birthday parties are."

I could feel Alcide eyes on me and when I finally looked at him I just wanted to punch him. All those past feelings came rushing back. I needed to get away from him before I did something and embarrassed Sookie and Ryan. As I turned toward the house Sookie came out carrying the cake calling for me. She was smiling until she looked behind me and saw Alcide. Instantly a look of anger and panic flashed across her face. When I finally reached her I could see she was tense.

"I see you met Janice?" She wouldn't look me in the eye.

"Yes…I met Alcide's sister. She introduced herself. Since all he could do was glare at me."

"What did he say to you?" Sookie's voice was shaky.

"Nothing. Why? What could he tell me? Is there something _you_ want to tell me?"

"We'll talk about it after everyone leaves. I forgot a knife. Can you go get one?" Sookie then quickly walked away towards where Ryan was playing. So I went inside to get a knife. Upon returning back outside I scan the yard looking for Sookie. What I see make my blood boil. Alcide and Sookie are standing close together at the back of the yard away from the rest of the party. Sookie has her back to me but Alcide is facing me laughing. When he noties me staring at them he leans forward and speaks into Sookie's ear while still maintaing eye contact with me. He straightens back up and smiles down at Sookie before he begins to walk past her. Sookie's response is grab his arm and pulls him towards her and it looks as if she is going to say something to him. Instead Alcide lowers his head and gives here a quick kiss on the lips and nods in my direction. Sookie quickly turns around to look at me just as Jason yells for me to hurry up with the knife. I walk towards Jason and had him the knife. I need to get it out of my hands before that motherfucker Alcide comes anywhere near me. I have been a fucking fool. This afternoon had given me hope that we could work things out. I had like a fucking idiot told her how I felt and that I wanted her back. No wonder she didn't have any other response than that smile, which I clearly misinterpret. The first chance she had she was with him. That is what she was afraid of him telling me. Or maybe she is didn't want me to tell him what a fucking whore she was. She didn't stop me in her bedroom and we definitely would have fucked if the door bell hadn't rang. Sookie was dating him but was quite willing to fuck me. She definitely is not the same Sookie I knew and I'm not sure I want to know this Sookie.

As the party progresses I avoid Sookie and Alcide. I fact, in order to keep my cool I banish them from my thoughts. I will not ruin Ryan's birthday with my behavior, nor let them tarnish the first birthday I get to celebrate with my son. Avoidance is working quite well until most of the party attendees leave. Claudine, Coleman, and the last of the remaing parents are talking about how quickly the kids grow up as we watch them play. Coleman is talking about Claudette attempting to crawl and how it so fascinating to witness.

Of course this is when Alcide showes up and offers his two cents.

"Oh yes, I remember when Ryan started crawling. Sookie was cooking dinner and I was playing with him on the livinng room floor. All of a sudden he just went for it. And once he started there was no stopping him. Being able to see a little person develop before your eyes leaves you awestruck. In fact I remember all his firsts." With that he looked at me with a smug smile.

I needed to get away before I knock that smile off his fucking face. I go inside and go Ryan's room. I grab his baby book from his book shelf and sit in the chair in the corner. I look thru the book and see his newborn footprints along with his hospital bracelet. "Baby Stackhouse" is what it says, but it should have been "Baby Northman". I continue to flip thru and study the milestone pictures, like his first bath, standing up, vacation, etc. I wipe a lone tear from my eye. I should have had the chance to experience those with Ryan, not fucking Alcide. Sookie denied me that but allowed Alcide that gift. Of all the people to take my place, it had to be the one I hated the most. First he took my Sookie and then my son. Well this stops now. Ryan is my son and I will be there from now on, no matter what Sookie says.

As I rise to put the book back Ryan runs into his room with Jason behind him.

"There my dad is"

"Hey man we were looking for you. All the kids are gone so came to get his overnight bag, so we can take off. I have to drop Janice and Tommy off first. She doesn't want Alcide to have drive out to Bon Temps and back. Any way thought you would want to say bye." I just nod to him and drop to my knees in front of Ryan as Jason gets his bag.

"Did you have a good birthday Ryan?"

"Yeah got lots of toys." He looks up at Jason "I go sleep Jas house and play. I be back later. Ok?"

I smile "Alright little man you be careful and I love you. I 'll see you later" I pull him to me and give him a hug and kiss the top of his head.

"Jason, you got everything you need any help." Sookie yells from the front of the house.

"Nah, we men got everything under control. Right Ryan?"

"Yeah mommy thunder control"

I have to laugh at his pronuncaiton. It is so cute. I pick up Ryan and follow Jason to the living room were I see Sookie talking to Alcide in hushed tones. She stops talking as soon as she sees us and comes to take Ryan from me.

"Eric can you take the trash out while I see off Ryan and Jason."

"Ok, but then I have to go." Say good bye to Jason and Ryan again and proceed to take the trash out. I need to get out of this house. I have exhausted all my self control and don't think I can calmly talk to Sookie. As I enter the living room I find Alcide alone. I move to walk past him when he grabs my arm to stop me. I glare down at his hand and back at him.

"Get your Fucking hand off me before you lose it"

"Look Eric I want to apologize I was being a jerk earlier. It's not fair that I rub the fact that Sookie prefers me over you, in your face. It is such a pity you didn't have the opportunity to be apart of Ryan's early life like me. I just wish I could have taught him to call me dad."

"MOTHER FUCKER YOU ARE NOT HIS DAD I AM." I am so enraged I have him pushed against the wall with my hand around his throat. The temptation to just squeeze is increasing by the second. It gets worse when I hear to front door open and Sookie enters the house.

"Oohh _MY LOVER _nice of you to join Eric and me." Son of a bitch he knew that was my pet name for her. "I was just fixing to tell him about your frequent nightly visits to my home. And to thank him."

"Thank me for what?" I snarled

"Why for teaching her some tricks. Sookie's a much better fuck the second time around. Ohh the things she can do with that mouth."

That's it I can't control myself any longer. I pull the hand back that is not around his throat and punch him in the stomach. Next thing I realize is Sookie is pulling at my shoulders while I am on the floor staddling Alcide and wailing on his face. After I hear a satisfying crunch of his nose I let Sookie pull me off. Sookie then helps Alcide up as she yells at me to stay put.

"You see Sookie, what type of man he is. I tried to tell you…."

"Alcide, Shut the fuck up. You came here just to cause trouble. I told you not to come."

"Yeah you did. Because you didn't want me to tell lover boy here, how you've been fucking me since he's been in town. Bet he thought you were sitting at home being a good little mommy, instead I had you screaming my name all night long."

I knew it. Here I was abstaining from sex (except for that one mistake) in order to prove myself to her and she had been fucking him all along. I need to get out of here before I say something to Sookie that effects her letting me see Ryan. I can't deal with this shit right now. I look at Alcide and see he is giving me a smug look, but the broken nose and busted lip ruin the effect to my satisfaction. I look at Sooke to tell her they could have each other and I'm out. I stop when I look at the unadulterated rage displayed across her face.

"Alcide that is a fucking lie. _She looks at me and continues talking. _With exception of last night, which was to tell you to stay away, I haven't seen you since after the second week Eric came to town." _Sookie's eye fill with regret as she continues to talk to me ignoring Alcide_. "I'm so sorry Eric. I was going to tell you tonight. I've been confused and have acted in ways I have regretted. Please let me explain. Don't leave."

"What the fuck Sookie you're begging that asshole after everything he's done. Let him leave so we can work this out. I know you didn't mean what you said last night."

"Don't Alcide! Just stop! There is no me and you. I used you to try unsuccessfully to fill the void of Eric. I know that makes me a bitch. I told you I didn't want to see you anymore. Not even as friends. To be honest you were a fimilar comfort and I loved you, but I never was in love with you. In fact the reason I stopped seeing you is because it felt wrong. Like I was cheating. I'm sorry. I did wrong by you and Eric, but there is nothing between us. Alcide, you're not welcome here any longer. It's time for you to go… permanently. "

Damn this new Sookie is harsh and hot. Even though I am pissed off I can't help being turned on by her. She was always feisty with me and our arguments where always feirce but she was still cautious in what she would say. In that way both of us were the same. We monitored what we said so our fights left us frustrated but never with hurt feelings. Seems she now does not hold back and says everything on her mind. This reminds me she is not the Sookie I remember. She has changed in so many ways.

This is the perfect opportunity to live up to all the promises I have been making to myself. And to show Sookie and myself how I have grown. Now knowing how I should react and how I want to react is two different things. I look at the door and back to Sookie's emotion filled eyes. I am truly waring with myself. Everything in my being is telling me to tell her to Fuck off and leave. We stare at each other and it seems she is trying to will my dicision to stay with her eyes. Finally I take a deep breathe and make my decsion,

"Alcide, Sookie told you to leave" I never take my eyes away from hers. "Do it on your own or I'll help you. You're not needed for this conversation"

"Sookie, your making a mistake. Don't let this asshole…"

"I don't want to hear another word. Bye Alcide"

Alcide finally gives up and goes to the door. He turns to look at Sookie and opens his mouth ready to speak.

"I said bye Alcide. Get out of my house."

The door slams shut and we look at each other. Now comes the hard part and where do we begin.

* * *

The song is Eric listens to in the car is "The Man I Want To Be" by Chris Young


	9. Chapter 9

Excuses, Excuses. I have tons of them. But I'm sure you don't want to hear them. Sorry for the long delay but hope you enjoy the new chapter. Please let me know what you think. Ya'll (know you know I'm from Texas) help me direct the story. I struggled with this chapter because I wanted them to move on but at not just sweep everything under the rug. Anyway enjoy and remember I own nothing.

* * *

"Best I Ever Had"

Now I know I messed up bad  
You were the best I ever had  
I let you down in the worst way  
It hurts me every single day  
I'm dying to let you know

Now I'm here to say I'm sorry  
And ask for a second chance  
Cause when it all comes down to the end  
I could sure use a friend

So many things I would take back  
You were the best I ever had  
I don't blame you for hating me  
I didn't mean to make you leave

You and I were living like a love song  
I feel so bad, I feel so bad that you're gone  
Now I know you're the only one that I want  
I want you back, I want you

Now I'm here to say I'm sorry  
And ask for a second chance  
Cause when it all comes down to the end  
I could sure use a friend  
Now I'm here to say I'm sorry  
And ask for a second chance  
All I want to do is make it up to you  
Cause when it all comes down to the end  
You were the best I ever had

We fell in love for a reason  
Now you're leaving  
And I just want you back  
So many things we believed in  
Now you're leaving and words won't bring you back  
I'll never let go of the heart I broke

You and I were living like a love song  
Now I know you're the only one that I want  
I want you back, I want you

Now I'm here to say I'm sorry  
And ask for a second chance  
All I want to do is make it up to you  
Cause when it all comes down to the end  
I could sure use a friend  
Now I'm here to say I'm sorry  
And ask for a second chance  
All I want to do is make it up to you  
Cause when it all comes down to the end  
You were the best I ever had

Song by State of Shock

SPOV

"Eric, thank you for staying. We need to clear some things up. Why don't you go to the living room and I'll get us something to drink."

He just nods and walks to the living room. I quickly go lock the front door and head to the kitchen. I never would have thought Alcide would have stooped so low as to behave as he did today. I guess I never really knew who he was. It was obvious Alcide set out to hurt Eric in any way he could. I cannot believe I never saw the jealousy he had towards Eric before today. I knew it was going to be bad when I tried to talk to Alcide outside and he laughed at me and started flirting with me. The icing on the cake was when I grabbed his arm as he walked away to tell him to leave and he responded by kissing me. I knew it was for Eric's benefit and the only thing that kept me from slapping him was not wanting to cause a scene.

I grab two beers from the fridge and take a deep breathe as I walk in back to the living room. Eric is sitting on the sofa with his elbows resting on his knees and his enormous hand cradling his face. I clear my throat to get his attention. He looks up at me with a face void of any emotion. His finely chiseled features are locked in place and those sapphire eyes that usually sparkle with life are dull and cold. I had never seen this look on him. Eric has always been a passionate man. Moreover, weather it is in anger or happiness, his emotions were always displayed on his face. I realize shamefully that I am the one responsible for this look. Apparently, I am not the only one who has changed over the years.

"I thought we could use theses" I hand him a beer and proceed to sit at the other end of the sofa, but sit facing him. Eric takes the beer and takes a drink. He is still facing forward and not looking at me.

"Why?" He says is a voice barely above a whisper that also has no emotion behind it. It seems he has shut down. It hurts that he can be so cold to me, but perhaps it is better than the alternative. He could be hot headed and unwilling to listen. At least it seems that he is willing to communicate.

"Why what?"

"Why him? It is always him. Even in college I was never enough."

"Would do you mean you weren't enough in college? You were my everything in college. So much so, it scared me. And when we ended, it broke me. So how can you say you weren't enough?"

"Alcide was always there with his declarations of love and you basked in those declarations. Never did I hear you tell him you loved me and for him to quit. Instead I would hear you simply state that you where with me. It sounded like I was a fucking obstacle. In addition, when I asked you to stop seeing him you would refuse. So obviously he was giving you something I wasn't" Finally emotion made it into his voice and it was a mixture of angry and hurt. He turned to look at me and I saw the hurt in his eyes.

"No, No Eric that wasn't it. I am sorry I made you think that. I was selfish and never thought of how you would see it. I just… well I never wanted to let a man control me…I …"

"What the hell ! Sookie I never tried to control you. And like I could if I wanted to… you're so damn hard headed."

"I know, I know, you have never done anything to make me think or feel that way. It is just residual emotional package from an earlier relationship, one before Alcide. And that relationship is the reason I couldn't completely leave Alcide in the past. Even though I should have."

"What relationship? You said I was only the second person you had been with. Did you lie to me?"

Tears start to well up in my eyes as I remember my high school boyfriend Bill. And the hell he put me thru.

"Eric…you are only the second man I willingly gave myself to. However, yes I lied about having a relationship before Alcide. Even he doesn't know. In fact, not even Claudine or Amelia know. I just want to forget it ever happened. Jason knows I dated Bill, which was his name…. My so-called high school sweetheart. But I have never told him what happened between us…." By this time tears where trickling down my face. I couldn't look at Eric as I start to relive the shame Bill caused me to experience. As I continued to look at my hands. I felt Eric slide across the couch towards me and grab my hand. I had to smile because even though he was upset with me, he still wanted to comfort me.

" Sookie… what do you mean willingly? Did he… did he…?"

"Yes. Bill raped me. Among other things." I hoarsely said.

I felt his finger tilt my chin up so I could look into his eyes. Those beautiful sapphire eyes that now looked at me with compassion. All anger and hurt where gone, He held my gaze for a moment and brushed the tears from my eyes. "Tell me" It wasn't a command but an emotion-filled request. And the walls I had erected to hide away my past from even myself fell. I told him everything. Even things Gran never knew about.

Eric listened without interruption as I recounted my yearlong abusive relationship with Bill Compton.

_I had been a 16 yr. old junior when I stated dating Bill, who was 18 and a senior. The first 3 months were fantastic. Bill was the perfect southern gentleman and model boyfriend. Soon he started giving me a hard time about hanging out with my friends. Telling me that I would rather be with them than him. I would give in and cancel on my friends to stay with him. Then he progressed to talking about how bad of an influence my friends were and that I didn't need to talk to them. I still did but I just wouldn't let him know. Therefore, I had to sneak around to see my own friends. I was young and stupid and saw his behavior as just being needy. The manipulation was well underway when the violence started. The first time he hit me was after we left a party. He had been drinking and was getting handsy with me in front of everyone. You see I was still a virgin. We would make-out and all that, but I wasn't ready for sex. Since I was new to intimacy, I was shy about PDA. I felt that was private and not to be done out in the open. I slapped his hand away in front of his friends Malcolm and Diane. They started laughing at him and making jokes about me not wanting him. When we had gotten in the car, he slapped me for embarrassing him. I was so mad I jumped out the car and had a friend give me a ride home. The next day he apologized and blamed the alcohol. Saying it would never happen again. I believed him and forgave him. _

_The honeymoon period lasted a few weeks and he returned to acting like the gentleman I first started dating. It lasted until I __**embarrassed**__ him again and made him teach me a __**lesson**__. That is how he always justified his behavior. He actually had me believing it was my behavior making him act that way. My friends started to question the bruises that my clothes didn't cover. Which lead me to stop talking to them because of the shame I felt in letting Bill treat me that way. When I was around them, I could see that I was being mistreated. However, as soon as I was with Bill again all the clarity I had achieved seem to vanish. I told myself if I loved him enough and the right way he would change. _

_Unfortunately, things only got worse once he had me completely isolated. It came to ahead on our one-year anniversary when he decided he had waited long enough for sex. _

I avert my eyes again to my hands and cry as I recount the beating and rape I experienced. _I tried to fight back and landed a few blows, which infuriated Bill and made him even more violent. But I resolved not to just take it and I fought to the very end. When he was done, he turned his back to me as he sat on the bed apologizing and asking me why I made him do that to me. That was it I grabbed the bedside lamp and hit him in the head. I knocked him unconscious, locked myself in the bathroom, and called the police. They arrived and took Bill to jail. But since the Comptons were the richest family in town and their cousins were the Bellefleurs. Who happen to be the D.A. and deputy sheriff, a deal was made._

_I could never speak of what happened and Bill was sent away to get "help with his problem". The Comptons spread the rumor that Bill and I had been in a car accident and he was severely injured and had to go to a special hospital out of state. This explained his disappearance and my injuries. No one but my Gran knew the truth. _

I finally look up at Eric and wipe my tears away. "That is when I vowed I would never be weak again. In any way. Be it physically or emotionally. That is why I took up kickboxing, because I would never be over powered again. I went to therapy and realized I was not a victim but a survivor of abuse. That new outlook helped me heal and make the necessary changes to get my life back. It took me until the end of my senior year to get any resemblance of my pre Bill personality back. Gone was the pliable doormat but I was still a shadow of the feisty steel magnolia Gran raised. I promised myself I would never lose myself in someone again and allow them to change me." I raise my hand and caress Eric's cheek. "A promise you made me fight to keep. Ultimately, when I lost you, I realized I had already broken it. You consumed me. And without me realizing it, you changed me. I see now it wasn't until I was with you, that I truly got my spirit back."

I let my hand fall away from his face, pull my hand away from his, and gather my thoughts on how to address the Alcide issue. Eric opens his mouth to say something, but I hold my hand up. "Please, give me a moment"

"I just want to know what happened to Bill."

"I don't know. His family left town two months after the incident. No one knows were they went. Supposedly, not even the Bellefleurs know. I for one like it that way and never want to see or even hear about him again."

Eric just nods and remains quiet. Giving me the time, I ask for to think about Alcide and my relationship.

I truly never would have thought Eric would see Alcide as a threat to him. He always appeared so damn cocky and acted as if he was god's gift to women. But I guess everyone has insecurities.

"I think the reason I held onto Alcide was due to gratitude. He showed me what a healthy relationship looked like. I never told him about Bill and simply told him I wanted to take things slow. He was extremely patience and never pushed me for more that I was ready to give. He let me call the shots and that is exactly what I needed. Being in control helped rebuild my confidence. Alcide's reverent attitude towards me allowed me to embrace my sexuality and not be ashamed. I will always be grateful to Alcide for giving me back to myself. I guess I just never realized that I was holding on out of obligation. In a way, I felt I owed it to Alcide to be there for him. An I didn't want to let you dictate whom I could be friends with. I was determined not to be submissive to any man again. That's why I fought you every step of the way. I thought I needed to control the relationship like I did with Alcide. But your such a damn Alpha male. You were always fighting me for control. It is the very thing I both loved and hated about you."

"Sookie if I would have known…"

"That's the thing. I didn't want you to know. I was. I am ashamed of my relationship with Bill. I didn't want you to treat me as if I was damaged goods. With you I felt normal for the first time. " Eric placed his hand on my knee and gave a slight squeeze.

"Sookie, look at me." I looked up and met his gaze. "You are not damaged. And you have nothing to be ashamed of. Like you said yourself, you're a survivor. I am sorry you had to experience that ordeal. But it made you who you are today. You took a horrible experience and used it as a foundation for personal strength. And thank you"

"For what?"

"Trusting me enough to tell me about what happened to you. Now that I have this information a lot of arguments make sense in retrospect."

"I think that was our downfall. We were too guarded with each other. We didn't say what was really bothering us. For instance you never told me the real reason you wanted me to stop talking to Alcide."

"And you never told me why you held onto him so tightly"

"I just never thought you could ever doubt my feelings for you. You always were and still are so damn cocky." I gave a small smile as I said the last line. I was tired of crying.

Eric gave an equally weak smile. "With everyone but you. You… I always felt were out of my league. To hear what happened with Bill goes against everything I ever thought of you. You always seemed so unyielding. "

"Unfortunately it's a side effect from Bill. Unbelievably, you had it easier than Alcide. Although he gave into me majority of the time. Unlike you who always had to have it your way. You in fact taught me the art of compromise. "I gave my first genuine laugh as I remember all silly things we had to compromise over. "I felt bipolar when I was you. I loved you and trusted you so much despite myself. I felt safe with you. But at the same time, I was waiting for you to change on me. Always wondering when the real Eric would come out. I would talk myself out of my panic; by reminding myself, you never portrayed yourself as perfect as Bill did. Our fights where proof of both our imperfections. How we argued also cemented how different from Bill you were. Because not once did I ever fear you. That is why I say that you gave me my spirit back. With you, I could always be myself with fear of repercussions. You had your faults but not once did I truly doubt your feelings for me. That was until that night. When we were finished, Alcide was the safe comfort I needed. He once again alleviated those self-doubts I had from a failed relationship. I guess you could say I used him to make myself feel better. I thought I could make us work. But after experiencing what you and I had, it paled in comparison. "I then explain the current and recent history of mine an Alcide's relationship.

"So when was the last time you were with him?" Eric asked stiffly. Like he simultaneously wanted to know and didn't.

"A couple of days after you showed up was the last time I had sex with Alcide. I did see him again afterwards but I couldn't sleep with him. You had already been spending a lot of time with us and it felt like I was cheating on you. No repressed feelings I had for you could be ignored no matter how much I tried. You have to understand Eric, you really hurt me. I didn't want to love you again and tried to prove to myself I could move on with you around. Which I failed at miserably.

"Why admit all this now?"

"I talked to Amelia and she helped me see the bigger picture I was obviously missing. It was her that made me realize that Alcide was dangerous to our relationship. That is way I decided to end our relationship in all facets. I also accepted the fact that I am still in love with you despite my fears and hurt…..Ohh yeah and we have a serious lack of communication. "

"Yeah, I see now communication has always been our problem. With your running and my walls, it's a miracle we lasted as long as we did. But I promise I will work on it and this is me trying. So ask me anything and I promise to be honest with you. Because Sookie like I said before the party I want a second chance. I have never stopped loving you. "

"Then why Eric? Why did you cheat on me? If I meant so much to you, why was I not enough?"

" Like I keep telling you. I swear I never sleep or even touched another woman while I was with you. The Yvette situation is one of my top five regrets. But I did cheat on you with her."

"Just one of the top five?"

"Actually it ranks number two. Number One was making you think I wanted to keep you as a fuck buddy. I should have never said those words to you. It was demeaning to you and what we had. I instantly regretted my words but you were already gone."

"So why did you say it and why did she happen?

"I was insecure about your feelings for me. I thought I was just a phase for you. You know sow your wild oats with me but settle down with Alcide. Your have to remember, Sookie, you were my first relationship. As much as I used women for sex, they used me for the same reason. When you wouldn't let Alcide go, I started to think that maybe that's all I was to you too. I hated the self-doubt and Yvette made me forget it. Where I always felt I didn't deserve you, I knew she was below me."

"So it's my fault?" I voice raised slightly. How dare he blame me.

"See there you go again. Only hearing what you want to hear. It was me. Everything was my fault. If I had acted like an adult instead of an immature asshole, we probably would still be together. However, I let my insecurities get the best of me. You are right I am egotistical. Except when it comes to you. You have been the only person to make me doubt myself. When I would hear Alcide profess his love for you and your only response was that you where with me… It was like a knife to my heart. Sookie you made me feel like I was a fucking obstacle that keeps you and him apart. I started to feel that you would leave me eventually. Therefore, I pushed you away. Because I could see a future with you. Complete with kids and a house with a white picket fence. It scared me on how much I wanted that life and yet so unsure of your feelings for me."

"You should have talked to me. Told me why Alcide bothered you."

"Oh…Like how you talked to me about why you clung to him?" I flinch at his harsh tone. At least that's what I'm telling myself right now. But I have to admit the real reason his words cause a reaction are that they are true.

"Like you said communication has always been our enemy."

"Don't I know it. And I paid the ultimate price. I lost a vital part of my son's life. And that is as much as your fault as it is mine."

"Don't you put that on me. You said you didn't want any responsibilities. I gave you what you wanted."

"No you ran. I regretted my words to you as soon as I said them. I tried to apologize and explain but you didn't let me. I was ready to let everything I had been holding in out. We could have had this conversation then. But you were to damn stubborn to hear me out."

"I know." Was all I could say with a sigh. He just said exactly the same thing Amelia said. I looked up at him and had to laugh at his shocked reaction.

"You agree with me…. You just agreed with me….No argument. No sarcastic comment. Damn I should have had my phone out to record that. I'll have a better chance at capturing the chupacabra than hearing that again."

I busted out laughing. And that signaled that we were done with the emotional rollercoaster portions of the conversation. 'Chupacabra…why the Chupacabra? And I am not that bad."

"Don't change the subject. For your info, I was watching a Monster Quest marathon on the History channel last night. And yes you are that stubborn."

"That's what Amelia said. In fact, she said the same thing about me running away. We are both to blame for the mess we find ourselves in. The question is what are we going to do about it?"

"Like I said Sookie I still love you and I want us to be together."

"I love you and I want that too. But are we both have changed a lot in these past years. Are we still compatible or our we holding on to a memory?"

Eric slides closer to me and grabs my hand. He holds my gaze with those beautiful sapphire eyes he gave my…no _our _son. "That's why I would like to take you on dates. We can get to know each other all over again. We will take it as slow as you want. I know I have to prove myself to you and regain your trust."

"I'd like that. But Eric if we are going to try this, I'm the only one. Remember I don't share"

"I want no one but you. And I don't share either."

"Well Mr. Northman it seems we have reached an accordance."

"Great…Well since Jason will still have Ryan tomorrow night I would like to take you out. They just opened a new upscale restaurant two blocks over from my club. We could try it together."

"I would love too. What time?"

"I'll pick up at 7:30pm. Well it's getting late so I should get going."

"You don't have to we could start the getting to know you process now." I timidly offered. Afraid he would insist on leaving. But of course, his perverted mind was twisting my words by the leer he was giving me.

"Not that I mean talk. No funny stuff."

"As much as I would like that I have another idea. Well actually a request."

I waved my hand in the "on with it motion". I couldn't think of anything he could want more that to start repairing our relationship.

"I found Ryan's baby book…. Could we look at it and you tell me the stories behind the entries. And any other stories about him as a baby. Hearing other parents talking today I realized how much I've missed."

I see that Eric's eyes are watery before he turns his face away from me. This shocks me because I've never seen Eric anywhere near crying. I have never felt more like a selfish bitch in my life. Here I am dwelling on me and him building a relationship. I forget he is trying to build one with our son. I look at him and feel like I am seeing him for the first time. Any apprehension I had about his place in Ryan's and my life is gone. I know no matter what he'll be an excellent father. And what ever does or doesn't happen between us won't change that.

I rise up on my knees and wrap my arms around him. "Hey….Hey, you're here now and that's all that matters."

"If I hadn't fucked up I….."

"Hey…Look at me…" I grab his chin and make him look at me. "We already went thru the blame game. What is done is done. All we can do is learn from our mistakes and move on." He just nods and I tell him I'll go get the book.

I stop by the kitchen and get us some fresh drinks on my way back. The remainder of the night we look at the book and I tell him story after story. That is how I end up falling asleep on the couch being spooned by Eric.

Turning my head, I gaze up at the most beautiful man I have ever known. I brush my lips against his lips before I snuggle back into him. It felt so right to be back in his arms. All I can do is pray that we can work things out.


End file.
